The Trolls Under the Bridge to Love
- Sunday, July 14 2013 @ 09:15 am
- Contributed by: Jet
- Views: 2,374
In general, handling “rejection” in online dating is considerably easier than in person. Most of the time, you’ll get a “thanks but no thanks” from someone you’ve never met in person and hopefully haven’t spent too much time thinking about. Maybe you’ll get no response at all, which can be frustrating, but not particularly painful. No one likes rejection, but as far as stings go, these are fairly minor ones.
But alas, the online dating world is no more perfect than the real one, and there are people who are, well, jerks. Maybe someone is hurt about the state of their own romantic life and is lashing out at others; maybe someone is trying to build their own self-esteem by cutting down others, like a schoolyard bully. Almost everyone has encountered at least one cruel message, whether it was in response to a first-contact email, a “thanks but not thanks” rejection, or a message that popped up out of the blue.
“Wow, you must really think you’re pretty. Trust me, you can’t afford to be this picky,” one reads. Another: “Um, try dating someone your own age.” Whether they’re hurtful comments disguised as “helpful advice” or just random hateful words, those are the sort of messages that do sting. If you receive one of these messages yourself, here are a few things to bear in mind:
First, you are, unfortunately, not the first or only one to receive such a message. Just like any random act of spite, you didn’t do anything to bring this upon you; if someone is looking to lash out they’re not paying attention to who it actually is. If someone is heaping vitriol upon you because you let them down nicely, that’s their problem, not yours. And because it is a mostly random act, there’s likely no truth to the message, either, so try to put the content out of your mind, difficult as it may be.
If the message is extremely inflammatory - using abusive language, hate speech, or making threats - check with your online dating site to see how you can go about reporting it. A snide remark is mostly harmless, but most sites take the safety of their customers seriously, and anything beyond the norm should be brought to the attention of the site.
Whatever you do, don’t respond to the message. It can be tempting, especially if, say, something about your appearance is being targeted and they’re no looker themselves. But your reaction only feeds into the negative attention they’re seeking. Even if you had sent the first-contact email and thus feel like you “started it,” don’t reward the troll with an argument, even if it’s scathing and well-thought.
Remember that, just like in the real world, the attention-seekers are in the minority; they’re relatively few and far between. Don’t let a bad apple or two put you off dating altogether. Navigating a few trolls is but a distraction on your quest to find love.
But alas, the online dating world is no more perfect than the real one, and there are people who are, well, jerks. Maybe someone is hurt about the state of their own romantic life and is lashing out at others; maybe someone is trying to build their own self-esteem by cutting down others, like a schoolyard bully. Almost everyone has encountered at least one cruel message, whether it was in response to a first-contact email, a “thanks but not thanks” rejection, or a message that popped up out of the blue.
“Wow, you must really think you’re pretty. Trust me, you can’t afford to be this picky,” one reads. Another: “Um, try dating someone your own age.” Whether they’re hurtful comments disguised as “helpful advice” or just random hateful words, those are the sort of messages that do sting. If you receive one of these messages yourself, here are a few things to bear in mind:
First, you are, unfortunately, not the first or only one to receive such a message. Just like any random act of spite, you didn’t do anything to bring this upon you; if someone is looking to lash out they’re not paying attention to who it actually is. If someone is heaping vitriol upon you because you let them down nicely, that’s their problem, not yours. And because it is a mostly random act, there’s likely no truth to the message, either, so try to put the content out of your mind, difficult as it may be.
If the message is extremely inflammatory - using abusive language, hate speech, or making threats - check with your online dating site to see how you can go about reporting it. A snide remark is mostly harmless, but most sites take the safety of their customers seriously, and anything beyond the norm should be brought to the attention of the site.
Whatever you do, don’t respond to the message. It can be tempting, especially if, say, something about your appearance is being targeted and they’re no looker themselves. But your reaction only feeds into the negative attention they’re seeking. Even if you had sent the first-contact email and thus feel like you “started it,” don’t reward the troll with an argument, even if it’s scathing and well-thought.
Remember that, just like in the real world, the attention-seekers are in the minority; they’re relatively few and far between. Don’t let a bad apple or two put you off dating altogether. Navigating a few trolls is but a distraction on your quest to find love.
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