The Science Of Commitment, Part III

For the final installment of the "Science Of Committment" series, let's take a look at one of the most pressing questions related to faithfulness: Can men and women learn to resist temptation, if they are not already capable of doing so? The phrase "Once a cheater, always a cheater" is thrown around a lot, but is it really true?

Science says: Maybe not. In one study designed to test men's ability to resist temptation, subjects in relationships were asked to envision accidentally running into an attractive woman on the street while their girlfriends were away. Some of the men were then asked to create a contingency plan by filling in the blank in the sentence "When she approaches me, I will _______ to protect my relationship." The rest of the men were not asked to do anything further.

A virtual reality game was then created to test the men's ability to remain faithful to their partners. In 2 of the 4 rooms in the game, the subjects were presented with subliminal images of an attractive woman. The men who had developed the contingency plan and practiced resisting temptation only gravitated towards those rooms 25% of the time. The men who had not, on the other hand, were drawn to the rooms with the subliminal images 62% of the time. Fidelity, it seems, can be a learned skill.

Sheer force of will in the face of temptation isn't the only thing that keeps couples together, however. Chemicals known as "the cuddle hormones," oxytocin and vasopressin, are partially responsible for commitment. Intimate relationships trigger their production, meaning that, to some degree, humans are biologically hardwired to stick together. Scientists also theorize that a person's level of commitment depends largely on how much their partner enhances their life and expands their horizons, a concept called "self-expansion" by Arthur Aron, a psychologist at Stony Brook University. Aron and his research team believe that "couples who explore new places and try new things will tap into feelings of self-expansion, lifting their level of commitment."

To test this theory, couples were asked a series of questions like:

• How much does your partner provide a source of exciting experiences?
• How much has knowing your partner made you a better person?
• How much do you see your partner as a way to expand your own capabilities?

Experiments were also conducted that simulated self-expansion. Some couples were asked to complete mundane tasks, while other couples took part in a humorous exercise in which they were tied together and asked to crawl on mats while pushing a foam cylinder with their heads. The study was rigged so that each couple failed to complete the task within the time limit on the first two tries, but just barely made it within the limit on the third try, causing feelings of elation and celebration. When given a relationship test, the couples who had participated in the silly (but challenging) activity showed higher levels of love and relationship satisfaction than those who had not experienced victory together, findings that seem to confirm Aron's theory of self-expansion.

"We enter relationships because the other person becomes part of ourselves, and that expands us," Aron explained to The New York Times. "That's why people who fall in love stay up all night talking and it feels really exciting. We think couples can get some of that back by doing challenging and exciting things together."

Related Story: The Science Of Commitment, Part II