The Past Is Dead Like Disco
- Sunday, November 28 2010 @ 11:14 am
- Contributed by: Jet
- Views: 1,483
Yesterday I was asked an interesting question: “I haven't been in many long-term relationships. Should I try to spin that in a positive way, or not mention it at all?”
When it comes to the past, leave it alone. If there's not some medical reason to mention it, it can stay in the past with jelly shoes and Hammer pants. Not because your past is something to be ashamed of; far from it! But it's simply irrelevant.
I've seen successful relationships form when it was at least one member's first real relationship. I've seen successful relationships happen when someone finally realizes what they're really looking for on the fiftieth try. As near as I can tell, past experience (or lack thereof) has no bearing on whether this next relationship will be successful. Every single person is currently not in a successful relationship – does it really matter why? What matters is that they find what they need.
Or think of it this way: every relationship is formed between two unique individuals. You can practice the little stuff – first dates, first-contact emails, small talk – and get better at those things, sure. But when it comes to the big relationship itself, it's never exactly the same – far from it. Whether you've had tons of experience or none, it's a brand-new entity, a combo unlike any other.
When it comes to your profile, there's no need to mention your past relationships, be they few or many. But that doesn't mean you're stuffing some part of yourself away, hiding it. While you don't need to advertise your past, that doesn't mean you shouldn't mentally own it. After all, your experiences have contributed to who you are, and that might be just perfect for someone out there. If you're comfortable and confident about your past, you'll be able to handle the issue if someone brings it up. That being said, it's generally tacky to bring up former relationships, especially on the first few dates. Who wants to bring up the past, when the future is so much more exciting?
When it comes to the past, leave it alone. If there's not some medical reason to mention it, it can stay in the past with jelly shoes and Hammer pants. Not because your past is something to be ashamed of; far from it! But it's simply irrelevant.
I've seen successful relationships form when it was at least one member's first real relationship. I've seen successful relationships happen when someone finally realizes what they're really looking for on the fiftieth try. As near as I can tell, past experience (or lack thereof) has no bearing on whether this next relationship will be successful. Every single person is currently not in a successful relationship – does it really matter why? What matters is that they find what they need.
Or think of it this way: every relationship is formed between two unique individuals. You can practice the little stuff – first dates, first-contact emails, small talk – and get better at those things, sure. But when it comes to the big relationship itself, it's never exactly the same – far from it. Whether you've had tons of experience or none, it's a brand-new entity, a combo unlike any other.
When it comes to your profile, there's no need to mention your past relationships, be they few or many. But that doesn't mean you're stuffing some part of yourself away, hiding it. While you don't need to advertise your past, that doesn't mean you shouldn't mentally own it. After all, your experiences have contributed to who you are, and that might be just perfect for someone out there. If you're comfortable and confident about your past, you'll be able to handle the issue if someone brings it up. That being said, it's generally tacky to bring up former relationships, especially on the first few dates. Who wants to bring up the past, when the future is so much more exciting?
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