The Necessity of the First Date
- Wednesday, September 26 2012 @ 09:41 am
- Contributed by: Jet
- Views: 919
Growing up, I frequently heard a tip, often said with a grim sort of wisdom behind the words: “If someone offers to take you on a date, never accept unless you’re thrilled by the idea.” With very few exceptions, this is pretty solid advice; if you know you only have friendly feelings - or less! - for someone you’re reasonably acquainted with, not much is going to change on a date. However, one of those aforementioned exceptions is when the date is made via online dating.
Think about it - how can you possibly know if you’re excited about a date with someone you’ve never met? Sure, you might be able to tell if you’re vaguely interested, if you have things in common, or if the person is reasonably attractive (or at least nice-looking). Still, when it comes right down to it, you have no earthly way of knowing if you’re going to share a spark. So what can you do? You have to meet in person to know for sure.
Some people don’t like to hear this. They like online dating because they get to control more variables than usual - the sort of first impression they put out, their custom searches, etc. To hear that they’re still going to have to take the plunge and meet before anything is certain, well, it can seem a little too “blind date” for them.
Alas, it’s not something you can really get around. So much of our chemistry is felt only when we’re face-to-face, and love can be unpredictable and surprising, even for those people who usually dislike being surprised. The couple who seemed perfectly matched find out they’re only compatible as friends, or the man who seemed only so-so turns out to have an absolutely intoxicating smile in person. Having that first meeting is a necessity.
So, if you like, think of it as a first meeting instead of a first date. Establish your real feelings, not the ones that are muddled with the fantasies you formed while reading profiles. If there’s a spark, you’ll likely be feeling it by the end of that first “meeting.”
And then? Only offer or accept that second meeting if you’re thrilled by the very idea of it. Times and technology may change, but there’s still wisdom left in those old words.
Think about it - how can you possibly know if you’re excited about a date with someone you’ve never met? Sure, you might be able to tell if you’re vaguely interested, if you have things in common, or if the person is reasonably attractive (or at least nice-looking). Still, when it comes right down to it, you have no earthly way of knowing if you’re going to share a spark. So what can you do? You have to meet in person to know for sure.
Some people don’t like to hear this. They like online dating because they get to control more variables than usual - the sort of first impression they put out, their custom searches, etc. To hear that they’re still going to have to take the plunge and meet before anything is certain, well, it can seem a little too “blind date” for them.
Alas, it’s not something you can really get around. So much of our chemistry is felt only when we’re face-to-face, and love can be unpredictable and surprising, even for those people who usually dislike being surprised. The couple who seemed perfectly matched find out they’re only compatible as friends, or the man who seemed only so-so turns out to have an absolutely intoxicating smile in person. Having that first meeting is a necessity.
So, if you like, think of it as a first meeting instead of a first date. Establish your real feelings, not the ones that are muddled with the fantasies you formed while reading profiles. If there’s a spark, you’ll likely be feeling it by the end of that first “meeting.”
And then? Only offer or accept that second meeting if you’re thrilled by the very idea of it. Times and technology may change, but there’s still wisdom left in those old words.
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