The Art Of Polite Rejection

You're probably heard a million times that one of the great things about online dating is that the Internet is the perfect place to find love if you suffer from anxiety in social situations. Initiating contact with someone you're interested in is always a little nerve-wracking, but the fear of rejection, and the discomfort of having to turn someone down as nicely as possible, is significantly less paralyzing when you don't have to speak to someone face-to-face.

Turning down an unwanted online advance is as simple as not responding to a message or not returning a wink, right?

Wrong. If you've ever gotten a message like this one, or these, or these, I know that it's tempting to handle the situation by pressing "Delete" and moving on to the next suitor. All online daters, as far as I'm concerned, are forgiven for taking the easy way out every once in a while, particularly when a message is spam or a completely incoherent mash-up of random words, but the anonymity of the Internet can sometimes make it hard to remember that there is almost always an actual person on the other side of the profile text and silly username. You don't have to write a rejection essay that uses a bullet-pointed list to detail every reason you're not interested in someone, but taking the time to send a quick note that says "Thanks, but no thanks" goes a long way towards preserving the humanity of the World Wide Web.

The art of polite rejection isn't difficult to master - it's as simple as determining why you're not into a person and drafting a couple of personalized lines explaining that, while you appreciate their interest, you are unable to pursue a relationship for reasons x, y, and z.

For instance, if a suitor has children and you do not want kids, a "Thanks, but no thanks" response could be "Hi So-and-So! Thanks for your message, but I'm not really looking to date someone with children. My dogs are all the responsibility I can handle right now, and you and your family deserve someone who can devote more time, love, and resources to you. I hope you can understand, and I wish you all the best in your search for someone special."

If writing a polite rejection message still seems hard, think of it as following this straightforward formula:

1. A greeting.
2. A thank you for the sender's interest.
3. A brief and truthful explanation of why you are not suited to each other. Make sure that you are writing an objective statement of facts, and not hurtful attack on someone's character or lifestyle.
4. A closing, in which you end on a positive note and wish them luck.

Being turned down is never easy, but the closure that comes from receiving a thoughtful "Thanks, but no thanks" message can ease the ache substantially. And besides, it can't hurt to earn a few extra karma points for treating your fellow humans with kindness, respect, and consideration.