Switching Off the Bravado
- Sunday, June 17 2012 @ 09:01 am
- Contributed by: Jet
- Views: 1,062
I’m going to discuss a topic that requires a little cognitive dissonance. Or, in other words, this might make your head hurt. When it comes to online profiles and first-contact emails, perhaps the most tried-and-true advice is to “be yourself.” Ideally, you should always try that first, and as you’ve probably heard over and over, it’s best to leave the game-playing at your video game console.
However, let’s say you’re having a difficult time with either your profile or your first-contact email. Maybe people tend to send you emails based on your profile, but things fizzle out once you actually begin communicating. Or maybe you seem to do much better if you can just get someone to start a conversation with you. Well, there might be a reason for that.
You see, people tend to respond to confidence when it comes to online profiles. The more self-assured, positive and upbeat you are on your profile, the better. Yet, when it comes to first-contact emails, it becomes more likely that confidence will be read as cockiness. A little bit of self-deprecation, proverbial shuffling of feet and giving an “aw shucks” can go a long way.
Why is this? Well, it’s probably best evaluated by psychologists and sociologists, but we laypeople can make a few guesses. Think about it like this: if you’re listening to a professional speech or presentation, you have different expectations than if you’re talking to the presenter one-on-one after the fact. The very traits that might make for an impressive actor or orator would probably be a bit over-the-top and dramatic in a smaller setting. Thus, those skilled in such arenas also know how to turn their “persona” off and on.
Similarly, we’ve come to expect a good first impression when it comes to online profiles. We know that people have time to edit and sweat over every word, and we know it’s essentially a blast into the ether. We appreciate those gambles that make a profile stand out. We enjoy someone with a positive, confident approach to this uncertain dating world.
Then, when we email, we want to know that we’re talking to a human being. Sure, they may be awesome, but they’re not on display anymore; they’re getting to know us, and they’re more interested in learning about us than putting on a show. The profile has done its job as an attention-getter, and now we see a little more of the humble “man behind the curtain.”
Seems exhaustive and weird, especially when a first-contact email is only a few sentences long, right? Well, this sort of complicated dance is something we likely do every day as we interact with various people - it’s just that we don’t often analyze our relationships with, say, that neighbor we don’t really like.
Still, if you’re consistently falling flat, it might help to consider your general tone, both in your profile and your emails. Are you making a good first impression with your profile? And when it comes to emailing, do you know how to “turn off” that more public persona?
However, let’s say you’re having a difficult time with either your profile or your first-contact email. Maybe people tend to send you emails based on your profile, but things fizzle out once you actually begin communicating. Or maybe you seem to do much better if you can just get someone to start a conversation with you. Well, there might be a reason for that.
You see, people tend to respond to confidence when it comes to online profiles. The more self-assured, positive and upbeat you are on your profile, the better. Yet, when it comes to first-contact emails, it becomes more likely that confidence will be read as cockiness. A little bit of self-deprecation, proverbial shuffling of feet and giving an “aw shucks” can go a long way.
Why is this? Well, it’s probably best evaluated by psychologists and sociologists, but we laypeople can make a few guesses. Think about it like this: if you’re listening to a professional speech or presentation, you have different expectations than if you’re talking to the presenter one-on-one after the fact. The very traits that might make for an impressive actor or orator would probably be a bit over-the-top and dramatic in a smaller setting. Thus, those skilled in such arenas also know how to turn their “persona” off and on.
Similarly, we’ve come to expect a good first impression when it comes to online profiles. We know that people have time to edit and sweat over every word, and we know it’s essentially a blast into the ether. We appreciate those gambles that make a profile stand out. We enjoy someone with a positive, confident approach to this uncertain dating world.
Then, when we email, we want to know that we’re talking to a human being. Sure, they may be awesome, but they’re not on display anymore; they’re getting to know us, and they’re more interested in learning about us than putting on a show. The profile has done its job as an attention-getter, and now we see a little more of the humble “man behind the curtain.”
Seems exhaustive and weird, especially when a first-contact email is only a few sentences long, right? Well, this sort of complicated dance is something we likely do every day as we interact with various people - it’s just that we don’t often analyze our relationships with, say, that neighbor we don’t really like.
Still, if you’re consistently falling flat, it might help to consider your general tone, both in your profile and your emails. Are you making a good first impression with your profile? And when it comes to emailing, do you know how to “turn off” that more public persona?
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