Study on Speed Dating finds what Cues Help People Connect

Do you believe in love at first sight? Maybe you don't, but according to researchers at Stanford University, it is possible to form a connection in the four minutes given for a speed dating round. It just depends on what you say, and how you say it.

No pressure right? Stanford researchers studied some 1,000 speed dating sessions to determine what helped couples to instantly click, and what assured that they didn't.

According to researchers Dan McFarland and Dan Jurafski in an interview with Stanford News, there is a great deal of uncertainty about the meaning of signals we send to other people, and the role those signals play in helping to form connections.

McFarland states: "We wanted to see if there is anything about the interaction that matters or is it really just what I look like, what I do, what my motivation is. Is it all things that are psychological or in my head or is there actually something in how we hit it off?...We wanted to get at what the essence of the connection is, what makes people feel like they bonded."

Not surprisingly, women were seen to be more selective than men.

Participants in the study wore audio recording devices during their dates. Each was asked to fill out a "scorecard" to assess each date and whether or not they would want to go out again. Participants were also asked to fill out pre and post-date surveys.

The dates were transcribed and the words and speech patterns were analyzed to see if they corresponded with a feeling of connection among the men and women.

Their analysis found that words do matter, as well as how they are delivered. Women reported feeling connected with a man who used language to indicate that what she said was interesting. A simple acknowledgement like, "oh that's cool" could go a long way in making the woman feel connected.

Daters also seemed to click when one expressed enthusiasm or excitement for what the other person was saying. There was a greater connection if the other person interrupted with an enthusiastic agreement.

"This is a situation in life where women have the power, women get to decide. So talking about the empowered party is a sensible strategy toward feeling connected," McFarland said.

One thing both sides agreed on: asking a lot of questions indicated a lack of connection. This pattern was used mostly to avoid a lag in the conversation.

The study, "Making the Connection: Social Bonding in Courtship Situations," was published this month in the American Journal of Sociology.