Sooner Rather Than Later

How many of us have ended a relationship and thought, “Wow, I should have done that a long time ago”? No one likes to be dumped, but it can also be stressful when you’re the one who wants out of a relationship; there’s typically a lot of second-guessing, a lot of hand-wringing, and a lot of searching for “the right moment.” There’s no good position in a breakup; those who are being dumped feel powerless to control the situation, and those who are doing the dumping are gambling that they’ll be happier apart, which is not always as cut-and-dry as you might think.

Even when we’re just starting a relationship, we’re faced with many of those same stresses and big decisions. Unless you’ve mutually fallen in love at first sight - which rarely, if ever, happens - both partners make several conscious decisions to pursue the relationship. For example, you decide to go on a second date. You decide to stop perusing online dating sites for other people. You decide to make a go of things. Sure, it’s usually a little more romantic than that, but the decisions are made just the same.

So what do you do when your first date is just okay, but not great? What about a relationship that starts out fantastic, but soon a personality trait is discovered (like lying, or bigotry) that is an absolute game-changer? Suddenly you’re in the position to choose to end your relationship - and it’s not always easy.

First, remember that it’s good to really ponder such a decision. It’s affecting someone else as well as you, so it’s good that you’re not taking it lightly. And if this sort of thing happens frequently, you might want to make sure you’re not being unreasonably “picky” to avoid long-term commitment.

However, if you’re pretty sure that you’re not being unreasonable, there’s no sense in dragging out the relationship. It’s not kinder. The longer you’re in a relationship, the more attached your significant other will become. If you’re in a relationship and you’re not happy, it will certainly show in your demeanor, and you’ll both be unhappy. And remember: every day you spend together is a day where the two of you could be finding someone who really is a better fit. Why waste time for the both of you?

Whether you’re at the beginning of a relationship or one that’s well-established, if you know you’re not happy and it’s nothing that can be “fixed,” it’s kinder for everyone if you end it sooner rather than later. No one likes to be the bad guy, but no one likes to say, “Wow, I should have done this a long time ago,” either.