Sheer Cold Terror: Meeting Friends
- Friday, June 04 2010 @ 08:33 am
- Contributed by: Jet
- Views: 2,090
Let's say you've met someone interesting on an online dating web site. You've hit it off in emails, then had a few dates, and so far everything seems to be going swimmingly. When you're together, you're in your own little world, and it's great. But you can't exist in a bubble; eventually you'll need to socialize with others. Enter The Friends.
Meeting a partner's friends can be nerve-wracking, to say the least. For some, their circle of friends is more important to them than their family. They're looking at you, wondering if you're good enough for one of their most favorite people. Meanwhile, you're looking at them, wondering if you'll click, or if future Superbowl parties and Halloween get-togethers will be barely tolerable.
There are probably multiple tips and tricks to get you through the first meeting, but here's one that I consider most important to remember:
It's not a turf war.
You don't control your significant other. Neither do the friends. Your significant other chose all of you for various reasons. You don't need to stake a claim. And if the friends are acting territorial, the best way to diffuse it is laid-back confidence. It's actually quite difficult to hold a one-sided argument.
Confidence is the key, however. Appearing too over-eager will only send the wrong message, and if the friends are, in fact, looking for a turf war, you're only giving them an opportunity to stomp on you. Besides, why should you have to stress yourself? Worst-case scenario, you'll gracefully bow out for awhile when your significant other goes out with those friends, until you get used to each other. Maybe your partner will get along great with your friends. There are worse problems to have in a relationship.
Maybe you'll click with your significant other's friends. Maybe you won't, immediately. If you don't, that's okay – but under no circumstances should you attempt to make your partner choose between you. Friends have history, and will win out almost every time. However, keep yourself low-stress and comfortable (you want a relationship, not the associated friends) and perhaps you'll avert a problem altogether.
Meeting a partner's friends can be nerve-wracking, to say the least. For some, their circle of friends is more important to them than their family. They're looking at you, wondering if you're good enough for one of their most favorite people. Meanwhile, you're looking at them, wondering if you'll click, or if future Superbowl parties and Halloween get-togethers will be barely tolerable.
There are probably multiple tips and tricks to get you through the first meeting, but here's one that I consider most important to remember:
It's not a turf war.
You don't control your significant other. Neither do the friends. Your significant other chose all of you for various reasons. You don't need to stake a claim. And if the friends are acting territorial, the best way to diffuse it is laid-back confidence. It's actually quite difficult to hold a one-sided argument.
Confidence is the key, however. Appearing too over-eager will only send the wrong message, and if the friends are, in fact, looking for a turf war, you're only giving them an opportunity to stomp on you. Besides, why should you have to stress yourself? Worst-case scenario, you'll gracefully bow out for awhile when your significant other goes out with those friends, until you get used to each other. Maybe your partner will get along great with your friends. There are worse problems to have in a relationship.
Maybe you'll click with your significant other's friends. Maybe you won't, immediately. If you don't, that's okay – but under no circumstances should you attempt to make your partner choose between you. Friends have history, and will win out almost every time. However, keep yourself low-stress and comfortable (you want a relationship, not the associated friends) and perhaps you'll avert a problem altogether.
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