Same Words, Different Meanings
- Friday, June 21 2013 @ 07:09 am
- Contributed by: Jet
- Views: 1,163
When we discuss online dating profiles, a lot of attention tends to be placed on the language used. We talk about whether you’re being unintentionally negative, whether certain phrases are ‘red flags’ when they pop up on someone else’s profile. Sometimes the differences are tiny, which might seem like nit-picking - but becomes more reasonable when you realize that the entire profile is only a few paragraphs long.
However, though we spend a great deal of time on our profiles, the real test comes when we meet in person. And here’s why: the use of all the right words doesn’t help if you don’t understand the meaning behind them.
“People say they want honesty in a date, but they really don’t,” I once heard someone say cynically. When pressed for detail, they said, “I am as honest as they come. I always tell it like it is. When my date showed up considerably heavier than they’d said they were, I pointed out that they weren’t being honest with me, but he seemed to think it didn’t count. If I’m not having a good time, I say I’m not. Trust me, no one’s ever happy with the results.”
In this case, this person seems to think the problem is with their honesty - but really it’s with their tact, or lack of it. They’re taking the ‘honesty’ concept incredibly literally. When most people want someone ‘honest’ they’re talking about a lack of active deception. Maybe they mean someone who is comfortable with who they are, or someone who isn’t coy for the sake of playing the ‘dating game.‘ Chances are, they don’t mean they need to hear the stark truth one hundred percent of the time. ‘Honesty‘ seems like a simple enough concept, but thanks to differences in interpretation (and personality differences), it can become a hurdle in person.
Another word that often means different things to different people is ‘sarcasm.‘ It’s not uncommon to see someone describe their sense of humor as ‘sarcastic,’ or state that they like comedies with sarcasm. In reality, other words may be better suited to what they really mean - irony, dry humor, witticism, absurdity. But ‘sarcasm‘ tends to be the catch-all word that’s used when we’re not talking about straightforward slapstick comedy.
However, sarcasm can actually be rather dark, and someone who is truly sarcastic all the time walks a fine line before treading into meanness. Indeed, some people believe they’re being funny when in truth they’re caustic and mocking. Yet, they’re using the term ‘sarcasm‘ just as correctly, if not more so, than everyone else.
So how will you know if you’re truly on the same page? The only answer is to get out there and meet in person. We can polish our profiles, but to stress too much over them is unnecessary. Sure, it’s great to make a good first impression, and it’s how we establish whether we want to meet in person in the first place - but you can’t truly get a feel for compatibility, can’t actually fall in love, until you get past that first meeting. What are you waiting for?
However, though we spend a great deal of time on our profiles, the real test comes when we meet in person. And here’s why: the use of all the right words doesn’t help if you don’t understand the meaning behind them.
“People say they want honesty in a date, but they really don’t,” I once heard someone say cynically. When pressed for detail, they said, “I am as honest as they come. I always tell it like it is. When my date showed up considerably heavier than they’d said they were, I pointed out that they weren’t being honest with me, but he seemed to think it didn’t count. If I’m not having a good time, I say I’m not. Trust me, no one’s ever happy with the results.”
In this case, this person seems to think the problem is with their honesty - but really it’s with their tact, or lack of it. They’re taking the ‘honesty’ concept incredibly literally. When most people want someone ‘honest’ they’re talking about a lack of active deception. Maybe they mean someone who is comfortable with who they are, or someone who isn’t coy for the sake of playing the ‘dating game.‘ Chances are, they don’t mean they need to hear the stark truth one hundred percent of the time. ‘Honesty‘ seems like a simple enough concept, but thanks to differences in interpretation (and personality differences), it can become a hurdle in person.
Another word that often means different things to different people is ‘sarcasm.‘ It’s not uncommon to see someone describe their sense of humor as ‘sarcastic,’ or state that they like comedies with sarcasm. In reality, other words may be better suited to what they really mean - irony, dry humor, witticism, absurdity. But ‘sarcasm‘ tends to be the catch-all word that’s used when we’re not talking about straightforward slapstick comedy.
However, sarcasm can actually be rather dark, and someone who is truly sarcastic all the time walks a fine line before treading into meanness. Indeed, some people believe they’re being funny when in truth they’re caustic and mocking. Yet, they’re using the term ‘sarcasm‘ just as correctly, if not more so, than everyone else.
So how will you know if you’re truly on the same page? The only answer is to get out there and meet in person. We can polish our profiles, but to stress too much over them is unnecessary. Sure, it’s great to make a good first impression, and it’s how we establish whether we want to meet in person in the first place - but you can’t truly get a feel for compatibility, can’t actually fall in love, until you get past that first meeting. What are you waiting for?
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