Running Into Memories
- Friday, June 29 2012 @ 09:12 am
- Contributed by: Jet
- Views: 1,091
Chances are, at some point in your life, you’ve probably wished your past existed in a vacuum. For some, their past is easier to run away from than others - they’ve moved around frequently throughout their life, changing towns, states or even countries. Most others, however, spend most of their romantic lives in one general area. As relationships and drama come and go, the ghosts of stories - or sometimes even solid, living people - linger around corners, over which to be tripped.
Now add a new partner who hails from the same area you do, and the chance of encountering a “memory” doubles. How do you handle baggage - not just yours, but that of your partner - in a classy way?
First and foremost, when it comes to your partner’s past, do your very best to curb the beast of jealousy and paranoia, especially if your partner is still on friendly terms with exes. Remind yourself: there’s a reason that relationship ended. No one understands the reasons better than your partner and their ex. However, if neither person did anything unforgivable during their breakup, there’s no reason why they shouldn’t be on polite, or even friendly terms. As you well understand, there are many people you might get along with, but that doesn’t mean you want a romantic relationship with them.
That goes double if your partner and their ex (or you and your ex) have a child together. In that case, the most responsible, adult course of action is to make things as easy as possible for the child, as well as set a good example. Even if it’s your partner’s child, and not yours, you also carry this burden of responsibility. A child learns how to be an adult by observing the adults around her. By watching an amicable relationship with a new partner (you) who’s not jealous, he’ll learn to handle his own insecurities when he’s an adult.
Sometimes the memories and baggage you encounter is not so great. The key here is to avoid the gory details, unless it has direct bearing on your current relationship (like some kind of trauma). It’s good to be close and honest with your partner, but there’s nothing wrong with omitting something that you know would be painful or uncomfortable. And to be honest, the fewer details your new partner has, the less awkward it will be if you run into your ex while out and about.
For many, encountering baggage is likely, so you might as well be prepared for it. Still, that doesn’t mean it has to be painful, or something that gives you anxiety; just remember that the past is in the past. You may have baggage, but that doesn’t mean you have to have drama.
Now add a new partner who hails from the same area you do, and the chance of encountering a “memory” doubles. How do you handle baggage - not just yours, but that of your partner - in a classy way?
First and foremost, when it comes to your partner’s past, do your very best to curb the beast of jealousy and paranoia, especially if your partner is still on friendly terms with exes. Remind yourself: there’s a reason that relationship ended. No one understands the reasons better than your partner and their ex. However, if neither person did anything unforgivable during their breakup, there’s no reason why they shouldn’t be on polite, or even friendly terms. As you well understand, there are many people you might get along with, but that doesn’t mean you want a romantic relationship with them.
That goes double if your partner and their ex (or you and your ex) have a child together. In that case, the most responsible, adult course of action is to make things as easy as possible for the child, as well as set a good example. Even if it’s your partner’s child, and not yours, you also carry this burden of responsibility. A child learns how to be an adult by observing the adults around her. By watching an amicable relationship with a new partner (you) who’s not jealous, he’ll learn to handle his own insecurities when he’s an adult.
Sometimes the memories and baggage you encounter is not so great. The key here is to avoid the gory details, unless it has direct bearing on your current relationship (like some kind of trauma). It’s good to be close and honest with your partner, but there’s nothing wrong with omitting something that you know would be painful or uncomfortable. And to be honest, the fewer details your new partner has, the less awkward it will be if you run into your ex while out and about.
For many, encountering baggage is likely, so you might as well be prepared for it. Still, that doesn’t mean it has to be painful, or something that gives you anxiety; just remember that the past is in the past. You may have baggage, but that doesn’t mean you have to have drama.
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