Quantity or Quality?
- Sunday, January 16 2011 @ 09:12 am
- Contributed by: Jet
- Views: 1,466
A man I know, “Rob,” has been frustrated with the responses he’s been getting from his online dating profile. You see, like most of the population, Rob is a man with two sides to him: he loves staying active and going to the gym, but he’s also quite intellectual and when he’s not working out, he’s usually reading.
The problem is, all of the responses he’s been getting from women have been solely from athletic types who ultimately aren’t interested in his other side. When I suggested that he target his first-contact email to more bookish women, he did so - and struck out over and over. Apparently, some of the women read his profile and assumed he was shallow, little more than his muscles.
When I looked at his profile, indeed, one thing stood out: Rob’s interest in athletics. I know the man, and his intellectual side is what really stands out in person, but you’d never know it to read his profile. He downplayed any of his other interests, and played up his love of sports.
When I questioned him about it, he blushed. “Well, I’m nerdy enough as it is,” he said. “I’m trying to make myself appeal to as broad a spectrum as possible.”
Well, it seemed to have worked a little too well. In trying to fit into the mainstream box of “attractive male,” Rob was apparently isolating the very women he was actually interested in, and probably most compatible with. Meanwhile, the extra responses he was getting from his “broader” approach were essentially useless, since he ultimately had no chemistry with them.
It can be frustrating when we receive few responses from our first-contact emails. Still, it might be worth reminding ourselves: What is more important, quantity or quality? While it can be good to appeal to a broader spectrum of people, it’s important to make sure that, in the process, we’re not losing sight of what’s really important: finding someone compatible.
The problem is, all of the responses he’s been getting from women have been solely from athletic types who ultimately aren’t interested in his other side. When I suggested that he target his first-contact email to more bookish women, he did so - and struck out over and over. Apparently, some of the women read his profile and assumed he was shallow, little more than his muscles.
When I looked at his profile, indeed, one thing stood out: Rob’s interest in athletics. I know the man, and his intellectual side is what really stands out in person, but you’d never know it to read his profile. He downplayed any of his other interests, and played up his love of sports.
When I questioned him about it, he blushed. “Well, I’m nerdy enough as it is,” he said. “I’m trying to make myself appeal to as broad a spectrum as possible.”
Well, it seemed to have worked a little too well. In trying to fit into the mainstream box of “attractive male,” Rob was apparently isolating the very women he was actually interested in, and probably most compatible with. Meanwhile, the extra responses he was getting from his “broader” approach were essentially useless, since he ultimately had no chemistry with them.
It can be frustrating when we receive few responses from our first-contact emails. Still, it might be worth reminding ourselves: What is more important, quantity or quality? While it can be good to appeal to a broader spectrum of people, it’s important to make sure that, in the process, we’re not losing sight of what’s really important: finding someone compatible.
Subscribe
