Quality, Not Quantity
- Wednesday, February 23 2011 @ 11:35 am
- Contributed by: Jet
- Views: 1,610
Because online dating, like all dating, is essentially a numbers game, we often find ourselves in states of feast or famine. It’s not uncommon to go weeks, or even months, without one response, and then find yourself with two, three or more interested parties. While that can be very exciting, it’s actually times when you have multiple prospective dates that you can let opportunities slip away from you.
As we wait in times of “famine,” hoping for at least one response, it becomes easy to slip into a line of thinking where only the numbers matter; more dates are better. While it’s true that the more dates you have, the better your chances of successfully finding a good match are, the truth is that you could potentially find a solid relationship on your very first date. Each date holds that same potential, and each date should be given equal importance.
One common trap that many with multiple dates fall into is giving unequal amounts of attention. If you were only emailing with one person at a time, that person would obviously receive your full attention, and you’d probably be searching for connections, things you have in common. When you have three or more email conversations going on, however, it’s easy to go on “autopilot,” particularly if you’re more interested in one than the others. Connections that you could have found might slip by, and a potentially better match could pale in comparison to someone else - before you’ve even met in person.
Another trap to avoid is comparing your dates against each other. Remember, you’re looking for the best match for you, not necessarily the most attractive out of a random selection or the most successful. Again, this takes a certain amount of divided attention; instead of evaluating whether you have a connection, you’re comparing answers to similar questions or trying to remember what you’ve said in emails with this particular person. While it’s good to date multiple people and get a feel for “what’s out there,” it’s important to make sure you’re giving each candidate the same shot they would receive if they were the only current prospect.
Finally, if you go on one date, have an instant connection with that person, and move into dating them right away, don’t bother trying to go on dates with the other candidates if you already know who you want. While you may think you’re being nice, you’re really only wasting the time of people who could spend it finding a good match for themselves. Would you want to go on a date with someone who already decided they prefer someone else?
While it’s easy to focus on the “numbers game” aspect of dating, remember that each response is coming from an individual, hoping for success just like you. Whether you get one at a time or twenty, remember to give each individual the respect you would want - the respect they deserve.
As we wait in times of “famine,” hoping for at least one response, it becomes easy to slip into a line of thinking where only the numbers matter; more dates are better. While it’s true that the more dates you have, the better your chances of successfully finding a good match are, the truth is that you could potentially find a solid relationship on your very first date. Each date holds that same potential, and each date should be given equal importance.
One common trap that many with multiple dates fall into is giving unequal amounts of attention. If you were only emailing with one person at a time, that person would obviously receive your full attention, and you’d probably be searching for connections, things you have in common. When you have three or more email conversations going on, however, it’s easy to go on “autopilot,” particularly if you’re more interested in one than the others. Connections that you could have found might slip by, and a potentially better match could pale in comparison to someone else - before you’ve even met in person.
Another trap to avoid is comparing your dates against each other. Remember, you’re looking for the best match for you, not necessarily the most attractive out of a random selection or the most successful. Again, this takes a certain amount of divided attention; instead of evaluating whether you have a connection, you’re comparing answers to similar questions or trying to remember what you’ve said in emails with this particular person. While it’s good to date multiple people and get a feel for “what’s out there,” it’s important to make sure you’re giving each candidate the same shot they would receive if they were the only current prospect.
Finally, if you go on one date, have an instant connection with that person, and move into dating them right away, don’t bother trying to go on dates with the other candidates if you already know who you want. While you may think you’re being nice, you’re really only wasting the time of people who could spend it finding a good match for themselves. Would you want to go on a date with someone who already decided they prefer someone else?
While it’s easy to focus on the “numbers game” aspect of dating, remember that each response is coming from an individual, hoping for success just like you. Whether you get one at a time or twenty, remember to give each individual the respect you would want - the respect they deserve.
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