Putting the Me in Time
- Saturday, June 25 2011 @ 08:40 am
- Contributed by: Jet
- Views: 1,313
When you’re not in a relationship, it’s easy to remind yourself of the obvious - that your happiness isn’t, and shouldn’t be, tied to a significant other. You find your own interests. Some are even the most happy in solitude - meditating, birdwatching, challenging themselves athletically where a partner would be left in the dust.
When you do find a significant other, none of that changes - or at least, it doesn’t need to change. The people who once enjoyed their solitary pursuits will probably still enjoy them, if given the chance. However, when someone new becomes a significant presence in your life, a certain amount of upheaval and adjustment occurs. Typically, the first things to go are the fun pastimes that can’t be done as a duo. And for some, eventually the idea of finding fulfillment alone completely vanishes.
There are a few problems that can arise when a person completely removes the need for solitude, or actually feels they need to be with their partner to have a good time. First, it can diminish anything that happens to them alone. “I saw a beautiful sunset,” you might hear, “and I only wish you could have been there to see it.” While most have said something similar at some point, and it is a sweet sentiment, it’s a problem if the sunset isn’t actually appreciated without the second set of eyes to observe.
Next, there’s the possibility that person who gives up all solitude isn’t actually cut out for such a lifestyle. Down the road, resentments could form. When life gets even more hectic with a lifestyle change such as children, habits of taking time out for one’s self can be a lifesaver. When you don’t know how to ask for something for yourself, however, it’s all the more easy to sink.
And finally, while it’s entirely possible that maybe you don’t need any alone time at all, the same might not be true of your partner. Being separated doesn’t mean you don’t care for each other; in fact, recognizing your partner’s need for space is a caring act. Ignoring it has the possibility of eventually leading to unpleasant words like “suffocation.”
Finding someone special can be a great addition to your life, but don’t make it a complete substitution for everything else that makes you happy. Not every hobby, experience, and preference needs to be shared in order for it to be enjoyable. In fact, it can make the times and hobbies you do share all the better.
When you do find a significant other, none of that changes - or at least, it doesn’t need to change. The people who once enjoyed their solitary pursuits will probably still enjoy them, if given the chance. However, when someone new becomes a significant presence in your life, a certain amount of upheaval and adjustment occurs. Typically, the first things to go are the fun pastimes that can’t be done as a duo. And for some, eventually the idea of finding fulfillment alone completely vanishes.
There are a few problems that can arise when a person completely removes the need for solitude, or actually feels they need to be with their partner to have a good time. First, it can diminish anything that happens to them alone. “I saw a beautiful sunset,” you might hear, “and I only wish you could have been there to see it.” While most have said something similar at some point, and it is a sweet sentiment, it’s a problem if the sunset isn’t actually appreciated without the second set of eyes to observe.
Next, there’s the possibility that person who gives up all solitude isn’t actually cut out for such a lifestyle. Down the road, resentments could form. When life gets even more hectic with a lifestyle change such as children, habits of taking time out for one’s self can be a lifesaver. When you don’t know how to ask for something for yourself, however, it’s all the more easy to sink.
And finally, while it’s entirely possible that maybe you don’t need any alone time at all, the same might not be true of your partner. Being separated doesn’t mean you don’t care for each other; in fact, recognizing your partner’s need for space is a caring act. Ignoring it has the possibility of eventually leading to unpleasant words like “suffocation.”
Finding someone special can be a great addition to your life, but don’t make it a complete substitution for everything else that makes you happy. Not every hobby, experience, and preference needs to be shared in order for it to be enjoyable. In fact, it can make the times and hobbies you do share all the better.
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