Prologue to a Fairy Tale
- Saturday, January 07 2012 @ 10:17 am
- Contributed by: Jet
- Views: 1,203
Someone's telling you about how they met their significant other through online dating. Of course, the real story begins at their first date. The time spent looking beforehand - well, that can be condensed into a montage. It's not important, right?
Everyone has probably heard that it’s important to be honest and genuine when it comes to online dating. What may be more difficult to remember is that it’s also helpful to be honest and genuine about the realities of online dating - to yourself and to others. Keeping an honest and realistic perspective is the surest way to prevent burnout and discouragement. So, what sort of issues fall in the “honest and realistic” category?
First, remember that online dating is still dating. The first person you date may be the one for you - but they might not be, and that’s okay. Online dating is helpful in that it lets you sort through the white noise and find people who have a higher chance of compatibility, who you might not otherwise get to meet - but once you meet in person there’s still the basic issue of chemistry. Not everyone is perfect for everyone else. The good news is, at least with online dating you’re making the dating process more efficient.
Next, remember that you’re not ordering up a date, and that online dating sites don’t keep perfect partners in a storeroom somewhere. What this means is that there may well be dry spells - times when you’ve pretty much looked at all the profiles in your area and no one new has joined. The good news is that no one online dating site is the sole way to meet someone new - you can always try other sites and activities. Plus, there’s always the chance you could meet someone in some chance encounter, like a movie theater line. And when you’re not watching for that pot to boil, activity may well pick up on your dating site.
Finally, it can be discouraging when you feel like you’re just playing numbers - when you say “I get one response for every ten emails I send, so I should contact this many more people this week...” it can feel less like finding a friend and more like playing Bingo. What can help is to remember that every single person you contact is one person you wouldn’t have met otherwise. Even when numbers seem dismal, you’re interacting with far more people than you would through work, or even going to a bar or club. Again, it’s efficient. To avoid losing sight of the human aspect of dating, remind yourself frequently that you’re dealing with people, not profiles or emails. And you’re not trying to win the lottery; you’re looking for a friend, the right match for you.
When someone meets a good match, they excitedly tell all their friends. The days of self-doubt and frustration melt away, and listeners are left with a fairy tale. While that’s encouraging in the short term, it’s important to be aware of the whole story - that not only does building a relationship take time and effort, but sometimes even finding the right person does too. The good news, though, is that viewing a fairy tale with a realistic eye doesn’t mean a happily ever after ending is any less likely.
Everyone has probably heard that it’s important to be honest and genuine when it comes to online dating. What may be more difficult to remember is that it’s also helpful to be honest and genuine about the realities of online dating - to yourself and to others. Keeping an honest and realistic perspective is the surest way to prevent burnout and discouragement. So, what sort of issues fall in the “honest and realistic” category?
First, remember that online dating is still dating. The first person you date may be the one for you - but they might not be, and that’s okay. Online dating is helpful in that it lets you sort through the white noise and find people who have a higher chance of compatibility, who you might not otherwise get to meet - but once you meet in person there’s still the basic issue of chemistry. Not everyone is perfect for everyone else. The good news is, at least with online dating you’re making the dating process more efficient.
Next, remember that you’re not ordering up a date, and that online dating sites don’t keep perfect partners in a storeroom somewhere. What this means is that there may well be dry spells - times when you’ve pretty much looked at all the profiles in your area and no one new has joined. The good news is that no one online dating site is the sole way to meet someone new - you can always try other sites and activities. Plus, there’s always the chance you could meet someone in some chance encounter, like a movie theater line. And when you’re not watching for that pot to boil, activity may well pick up on your dating site.
Finally, it can be discouraging when you feel like you’re just playing numbers - when you say “I get one response for every ten emails I send, so I should contact this many more people this week...” it can feel less like finding a friend and more like playing Bingo. What can help is to remember that every single person you contact is one person you wouldn’t have met otherwise. Even when numbers seem dismal, you’re interacting with far more people than you would through work, or even going to a bar or club. Again, it’s efficient. To avoid losing sight of the human aspect of dating, remind yourself frequently that you’re dealing with people, not profiles or emails. And you’re not trying to win the lottery; you’re looking for a friend, the right match for you.
When someone meets a good match, they excitedly tell all their friends. The days of self-doubt and frustration melt away, and listeners are left with a fairy tale. While that’s encouraging in the short term, it’s important to be aware of the whole story - that not only does building a relationship take time and effort, but sometimes even finding the right person does too. The good news, though, is that viewing a fairy tale with a realistic eye doesn’t mean a happily ever after ending is any less likely.
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