Postponing the Funny

Even though everyone seems to be looking for someone with “a sense of humor,” the truth is most people possess one; almost everyone finds something funny at some point. The trick, of course, is to find someone whose sense of humor is similar to yours - and that’s where things can get complicated.

It’s strange; something like a sense of humor seems no more significant than any other common interest, but it’s a strong indicator of compatibility. Think about it: if you meet someone who finds something funny that you don’t (or vice versa) do you simply brush it off, or do you start to get annoyed? Suddenly someone is too juvenile or silly or mean or pretentious or humorless. It’s not just that you’re not sharing that positive moment; you’re actually viewing someone in a negative light.

This doesn’t mean that you have to be the funniest person in the world; it just means that maybe we instinctively tend to place importance on humor for a reason - maybe it’s an indicator of our larger compatibility. After all, when you’re in a good relationship, think of all the “in-jokes” that form. So perhaps we should listen to what our instincts tell us.

Now, this also doesn’t mean that you have to be in sync all the time, or on everything. We’re all unique individuals, and we have our own experiences and biases and tastes. Instead, think of it as a Venn diagram: even if you can’t understand why your date likes that tasteless TV show, maybe there’s something you find funny that they find equally infuriating. Still, if your tastes overlap a sizable amount, you can certainly forgive disparities in humor just like any other differences.

Here’s where things really get complicated: if humor is so important, but we’re told to avoid it on our profile because it’s such an advanced subject and difficult to do well, how can we tell if we’re compatible? Ultimately, the easiest way to tell will be in person, on that first date, just like so many other elements of chemistry. However, you can test the waters a bit if you’re emailing beforehand; try sending a picture you find funny. Just remember that you have no idea where your date is opening that email, so try to keep it safe for work. And again, maybe it’s best to meet in person before you start walking that line of taste anyway.

Since humor isn’t something that really comes across well in person (not in the sense most people mean it anyway, like one-liners), this isn’t really something that should be a priority when you’re looking at profiles. When you’re in person, however, it’s something for which to be on the lookout. Laughing together, after all, is part of that mysterious “spark” of chemistry that you only feel in person.