Patience Is Distraction
- Friday, September 30 2011 @ 09:50 am
- Contributed by: Jet
- Views: 1,268
Online dating can be frustrating, for one simple reason: there’s no possible way you can totally control the situation. Nor should you, really; after all, you’re trying to find a new friend, not purchase a ready-made significant other. Still, waiting for a compatible person to respond with interest can range from irritating to unbearable.
Generally, friends, family and experts might counsel patience at this point. “Patience is a virtue,” they might say. And while that’s true, it’s not very practical advice. Yes, you should be patient in the broad, general sense. But in the short-term, practical sense, it might be a good idea to get away from the computer screen and do something else.
Ever hear the old saying, “A watched pot never boils”? It’s not entirely true - a watched pot will boil eventually, but you’ll be feeling a heck of a lot more bored and annoyed than if you had simply walked away and done a bit of a crossword puzzle. Waiting for anything - your turn in line, the power to come back on after a storm, the winter holidays - becomes more pleasant and easy if you’re distracted. The same applies to dating; why tear yourself up while you wait on the unknown?
Methods of distraction can vary, depending on the situation. Short-term waiting can actually be more difficult - when you’re waiting for a response to a first-contact email, for example, and you can’t seem to stop checking your inbox. In those instances, any tried-and-true method of distraction works - go see a movie, hang out with friends, go to sleep for the night. And try to diversify your interests - sending emails to more than one person at a time can take a bit of the sting out of an individual rejection.
But what about waiting in the long-term sense, in that you’re “waiting to find the right person”? It might not be as unbearable on a day-to-day basis, but it can wear on someone over time. Distraction can help here, as well, but it’s not about short-term meaningless actions, it’s about living a fulfilling life. Once you’ve ensured that your profile is edited and you send several first-contact emails out a week, tell yourself that you’ve done everything you can from your end for now, and move on to another activity. Your life is not dependent on the presence of a significant other; thus, why wait to have fun, hobbies, or a social life until you find the right person? And to quote another old phrase, “time flies when you’re having fun.” Suddenly the quest to find a significant other is just another milestone to reach, instead of something to hinge your happiness upon.
Perhaps “patience” is not a virtue, but a skill - the art of relinquishing control without torturing yourself. If you find yourself obsessively checking your email or your profile, remember: step away from the screen, and find a distraction, big or small.
Generally, friends, family and experts might counsel patience at this point. “Patience is a virtue,” they might say. And while that’s true, it’s not very practical advice. Yes, you should be patient in the broad, general sense. But in the short-term, practical sense, it might be a good idea to get away from the computer screen and do something else.
Ever hear the old saying, “A watched pot never boils”? It’s not entirely true - a watched pot will boil eventually, but you’ll be feeling a heck of a lot more bored and annoyed than if you had simply walked away and done a bit of a crossword puzzle. Waiting for anything - your turn in line, the power to come back on after a storm, the winter holidays - becomes more pleasant and easy if you’re distracted. The same applies to dating; why tear yourself up while you wait on the unknown?
Methods of distraction can vary, depending on the situation. Short-term waiting can actually be more difficult - when you’re waiting for a response to a first-contact email, for example, and you can’t seem to stop checking your inbox. In those instances, any tried-and-true method of distraction works - go see a movie, hang out with friends, go to sleep for the night. And try to diversify your interests - sending emails to more than one person at a time can take a bit of the sting out of an individual rejection.
But what about waiting in the long-term sense, in that you’re “waiting to find the right person”? It might not be as unbearable on a day-to-day basis, but it can wear on someone over time. Distraction can help here, as well, but it’s not about short-term meaningless actions, it’s about living a fulfilling life. Once you’ve ensured that your profile is edited and you send several first-contact emails out a week, tell yourself that you’ve done everything you can from your end for now, and move on to another activity. Your life is not dependent on the presence of a significant other; thus, why wait to have fun, hobbies, or a social life until you find the right person? And to quote another old phrase, “time flies when you’re having fun.” Suddenly the quest to find a significant other is just another milestone to reach, instead of something to hinge your happiness upon.
Perhaps “patience” is not a virtue, but a skill - the art of relinquishing control without torturing yourself. If you find yourself obsessively checking your email or your profile, remember: step away from the screen, and find a distraction, big or small.
Subscribe
