Opening Up To Emotion
- Monday, May 09 2011 @ 08:06 am
- Contributed by: Jet
- Views: 1,642
It’s not unusual to hear me say that if you’re going to enter the world of online dating, you’ve got to fully commit yourself to the process. Don’t just wait for potential matches to come to you; do some searching yourself! Send out several first-contact emails - and then send more to new people, whether it’s once a week or once a month! Don’t just let your profile stagnate! It’s easy to follow concrete advice about what to do; it’s harder for some, however, to engage yourself emotionally.
Some people have an incredibly difficult time allowing themselves to open up to others, or express how they feel. Does this mean there’s something wrong with them? Not necessarily; in many ways, society encourages closed-off feelings. We’ve all been told, in ways big and small, that emotions are for the weak, and stoicism is something to be admired. Think about the stereotype of the cowboy, for example: alone, frequently silent, closed off; and tough, strong, and heroic. Women are typically painted as being “more emotional” than men; historically they’ve been viewed as weaker, more fragile, as well. Even some of the words we use for emotional states - like “mushy” - are inherently weak.
However, if you’re looking to make a connection with someone, keeping a tight lid on your emotions can be more of a hindrance than an asset. Making the leap from “friendly acquaintance” to “deep friendship” takes a certain amount of mutual vulnerability. What can you do if you’re used to keeping it all inside?
Well, it’s not something that will change overnight. However, to get started, try thinking of your emotions as a muscle - one that, at the moment, is underused. A strong “emotional” muscle contributes to a healthy body. Thinking of emotion as something that contributes to a well-balanced whole, instead of something that needs to be hidden away, is a good first step.
And when it comes to forming new relationships, be prepared for the possibility - or eventuality - that you’ll need to open up emotionally. Can it be scary, allowing yourself to be vulnerable, taking a risk? Sure. But just like sending a first-contact email, it’s a risk that becomes worth it when it pays off. Why go halfway when it comes to love?
Some people have an incredibly difficult time allowing themselves to open up to others, or express how they feel. Does this mean there’s something wrong with them? Not necessarily; in many ways, society encourages closed-off feelings. We’ve all been told, in ways big and small, that emotions are for the weak, and stoicism is something to be admired. Think about the stereotype of the cowboy, for example: alone, frequently silent, closed off; and tough, strong, and heroic. Women are typically painted as being “more emotional” than men; historically they’ve been viewed as weaker, more fragile, as well. Even some of the words we use for emotional states - like “mushy” - are inherently weak.
However, if you’re looking to make a connection with someone, keeping a tight lid on your emotions can be more of a hindrance than an asset. Making the leap from “friendly acquaintance” to “deep friendship” takes a certain amount of mutual vulnerability. What can you do if you’re used to keeping it all inside?
Well, it’s not something that will change overnight. However, to get started, try thinking of your emotions as a muscle - one that, at the moment, is underused. A strong “emotional” muscle contributes to a healthy body. Thinking of emotion as something that contributes to a well-balanced whole, instead of something that needs to be hidden away, is a good first step.
And when it comes to forming new relationships, be prepared for the possibility - or eventuality - that you’ll need to open up emotionally. Can it be scary, allowing yourself to be vulnerable, taking a risk? Sure. But just like sending a first-contact email, it’s a risk that becomes worth it when it pays off. Why go halfway when it comes to love?
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