Online Dating and the Spreadsheet Dilemma

There's been a lot of controversy recently over the man who emailed one of his Match.com dates his personal dating spreadsheet. In it, he lists the name, age, and photos of each match, along with descriptions of his emails or texts with her, and then notes from their dates. He rates each one's looks (on a scale of 1-10) and includes notes about whether he wants to "monitor [her] casually" or "monitor closely ASAP."

Unfortunately, this email went viral and became the subject of discussion and debate among many news outlets and blogs. Namely because this spreadsheet felt offensive to many online daters. After all, who would want to be rated as a "4" or judged according to a couple of email exchanges, or be "monitored" at all?

The reality is: don't most people have some way of tracking their dates, whether or not it's outlined in a spreadsheet?

Most online daters are communicating with several people at a time, especially men who often are the ones reaching out on a regular basis. When you send a lot of emails and meet a lot of different people for coffee, especially if you're using multiple sites, it's bound to get confusing.

Let's say you've been out with three women from one dating site and four from another. You're interested in continuing to date two of them and see where things go, but keep your options open. You see another match in your inbox and you reach out to her and see if she's interested. Unfortunately, you forgot that you met her a couple of months back on yet another site (when she had a different picture posted). This can be awkward for both of you.

Dating is to some extent a numbers game. You have to reach out to people and put yourself out there. You have to take some risks. If you do, chances are you'll be dating more than one person while you decide which one (if any) are right for you. And some people need to stay organized about it, whether using a spreadsheet, a notebook, or a bunch of post-its to keep track of everyone.

Some people may have a different perspective. Online daters can be so busy thinking about who the next match in their inbox might be that they don't pay full attention to the person sitting right in front of them. Instead of getting to really know someone, they're usually a little too distracted, and so don't make the best impression with any of the dates they meet.

Bottom line? Reach out to people. But then take time to get to know them. If you have trouble remembering who's who, then by all means - use a spreadsheet. Just don't email it to anyone.