Online Dating: It's Not For Robots
- Monday, January 16 2012 @ 09:38 am
- Contributed by: Jet
- Views: 1,286
Do you have to be creative to appreciate online dating? That’s something I’ve been mulling over. It’s not uncommon to hear people saying that online dating takes all the “fun” out of the dating scene. “There’s no butterflies, no instant spark,” I’ve heard. “Because you’re doing this through a computer, it’s dehumanizing.” I’ve even heard it implied that people who find love through online dating sites must be some sort of robots!
Dehumanizing? Robots? Besides being downright insulting, it doesn’t even make sense: if anything, one must have more empathy, be able to draw more interest and emotion from the printed word. Still, such perceptions persist, so we might as well consider some common misconceptions about online dating, so we can debunk them with ease (instead of slack-jawed sputtering, and I may or may not be speaking from experience).
While there is a lack of pheromones and perhaps very little love-at-first-read-through, it’s quite a stretch to say that online dating isn’t much different than filing a tax form. Sure, the old adage “there are plenty of fish in the sea” is never more obvious than on an online dating site, where there are literally hundreds of profiles to turn to - but that doesn’t mean rejection doesn’t sting. No one likes to be rejected, and it’s hard to dust yourself off and get back on the horse, even when there are dozens of likable horses to choose from.
Sure, the sheer numbers involved may be overwhelming, but there’s a human being who wrote every profile. Why diminish their importance or impact? Thus, maintaining an earnest and honest interest in online dating, seeing people as individuals despite the fact that they’re the 50th profile you’ve seen - well, that takes a considerable amount of compassion. It’s incredibly human.
It’s true that you’re meeting a personality before testing the waters of chemistry. However, only a percentage of relationships begin with “love at first sight” or “an instant spark.” The rest begin as acquaintances, friendships, relationships that grow over time. And it’s honestly not a bad thing to be pretty sure you’re dealing with a genuinely good person before your brain is clouded with the chemicals of attraction. Is it animal instinct? Maybe not - but it’s certainly using our human logic.
So as you step into the world of online dating, it’s always possible that you’ll encounter those who say unfounded or even inflammatory things. Some of it may be simple ignorance, and a little education will go a long way. And if they persist in trying to wind you up, remember: focus on the positive relationships you’re looking to acquire in the future, instead of being mired in someone else’s negativity.
Dehumanizing? Robots? Besides being downright insulting, it doesn’t even make sense: if anything, one must have more empathy, be able to draw more interest and emotion from the printed word. Still, such perceptions persist, so we might as well consider some common misconceptions about online dating, so we can debunk them with ease (instead of slack-jawed sputtering, and I may or may not be speaking from experience).
While there is a lack of pheromones and perhaps very little love-at-first-read-through, it’s quite a stretch to say that online dating isn’t much different than filing a tax form. Sure, the old adage “there are plenty of fish in the sea” is never more obvious than on an online dating site, where there are literally hundreds of profiles to turn to - but that doesn’t mean rejection doesn’t sting. No one likes to be rejected, and it’s hard to dust yourself off and get back on the horse, even when there are dozens of likable horses to choose from.
Sure, the sheer numbers involved may be overwhelming, but there’s a human being who wrote every profile. Why diminish their importance or impact? Thus, maintaining an earnest and honest interest in online dating, seeing people as individuals despite the fact that they’re the 50th profile you’ve seen - well, that takes a considerable amount of compassion. It’s incredibly human.
It’s true that you’re meeting a personality before testing the waters of chemistry. However, only a percentage of relationships begin with “love at first sight” or “an instant spark.” The rest begin as acquaintances, friendships, relationships that grow over time. And it’s honestly not a bad thing to be pretty sure you’re dealing with a genuinely good person before your brain is clouded with the chemicals of attraction. Is it animal instinct? Maybe not - but it’s certainly using our human logic.
So as you step into the world of online dating, it’s always possible that you’ll encounter those who say unfounded or even inflammatory things. Some of it may be simple ignorance, and a little education will go a long way. And if they persist in trying to wind you up, remember: focus on the positive relationships you’re looking to acquire in the future, instead of being mired in someone else’s negativity.
Subscribe
