Online Dating: A Dissenting View

I'll admit it: when it comes to online dating, I unashamedly take sides. I think online dating is a great opportunity for the millions of singles who haven't found love via traditional means (and even for those who have, but want to cast a wider dating net), and I tend to write-off anyone who criticizes the Internet's unique approach to matchmaking.

But in the interest of fairness, perhaps it's time that I present a dissenting view. I recently ran across the writings of Dr. Ali Binazir, author of The Tao of Dating: The Smart Woman's Guide to Being Absolutely Irresistible, and though he won't be changing my mind any time soon, he has presented one of the most well-thought-out, intelligent, and reasonable arguments against online dating that I have seen yet. Here are some of Dr. Binazir's thoughts for the online love seeker who wants to be well-informed about exactly what they're getting into:

Online, it's easy to be fooled into thinking you have chemistry when you really don't.

Evolutionarily speaking, we are designed to choose a mate based on qualities like clear skin, good posture, an appealing aroma and tone of voice, facial symmetry, and articulate speech. These traits are signs of good health, fertility, and intelligence. Online, it's almost impossible to judge compatibility based on these factors, because we cannot see a potential match up close, listen to them speak, or watch them move. Online dating profiles only offer "a blurry, postage-stamp size series of static photos which cannot be heard, felt, or smelled," and a sample of "a person's writing, which has had no part in the eons of evolution of mate selection."

Online, it's easy to end up chasing what you don't actually want.

Online daters are notorious for telling little white lies, and sometimes blatant, gigantic lies, in hopes of attracting more interest. We've all heard the horror stories about dates who have met in person, only to find that they've met up with a completely different person than they'd been chatting to online. These shortcomings and dealbreakers could have been discovered almost instantly during an in-person encounter, but online you may waste hours, or even weeks, building a connection with someone who isn't what you're looking for in the first place.

Online, it's easy to focus on information that's irrelevant to your real compatibility with someone.

Have you ever had a great relationship with someone you weren't initially attracted to? I certainly have, and so has the vast majority of daters who decided to take a chance on someone they didn't feel an instant connection with. "The problem with online dating," Dr. Binazir says, "is that it puts right up front and center a whole bunch of extraneous information that could derail a potentially lovely relationship." Online daters are in "zero tolerance death-sort mode, tossing out contenders at the slightest provocation," like supporting an enemy sports team or loving reality television, meaning that they often miss out on great potential dates based on random information that's actually unimportant when it comes to long-term compatibility.

Have you experienced any of these situations? Has it changed your mind about online dating, or have you treated them as learning experiences and become a wiser dater?

Related Story: Online Dating: A Dissenting View (Part II)