Mind Over Matter
- Sunday, December 25 2011 @ 07:46 am
- Contributed by: Jet
- Views: 1,086
Joining an online dating site is typically thought of as less stressful than dating by more traditional means; you can check out profiles from the comfort of your own home, any time of day, and you don’t need to get dressed up and spend an evening out that may yield few results. You can complete a profile in your own time, with careful editing, so you have total control over your first impression. However, what many don’t realize is if they’re not careful, they can set up an entirely different set of expectations, and make online dating more stressful than it needs to be.
The single biggest mistake that online daters make is thinking that relationships begin due to the profile alone. Profiles are simply the equivalent of “noticing” someone in a crowded room; the extra details, like whether you have common interests, make it more likely that emailing this person, or “saying hello” is worth your time, but there’s no guarantee of chemistry, or even that you’ll like each other once you’ve said hello.
Thus, it’s tempting to spend an unreasonable amount of time perfecting the profile, over-thinking every phrase, without ever considering what might happen beyond “hello.” In the comfort of our own home, it can be difficult to mentally transition from an idea of a match to a real person.
The curse of over-thinking can also make an appearance on the first date. Compare meeting someone through an online dating site with someone you’ve randomly met in a bar: through online dating, you’ve read each other’s profile, had conversations through email, and have some idea whether you’re compatible, as opposed to someone who’s a blank slate. And yet, it’s not uncommon to feel less confident in the chemistry present, or even your own attractiveness. Why? Well, perhaps when we can control various aspects of dating - like, say, our profile - we become all the more conscious of elements we can’t control. We want so much to have a successful date, that we forget to let the date actually happen.
So when you’re writing your profile or heading out for a date, try to remember that there’s a certain element of chance, parts you can’t control - and that’s okay. There are no bonus points for having a picture-perfect first date, or starting a relationship as efficiently as possible; you’re just trying to find the right fit for you. Enjoy the moment, and the possibility of a new friend. Online dating can take quite a bit of stress out of the dating game; don’t add any back in with over-analyzing.
The single biggest mistake that online daters make is thinking that relationships begin due to the profile alone. Profiles are simply the equivalent of “noticing” someone in a crowded room; the extra details, like whether you have common interests, make it more likely that emailing this person, or “saying hello” is worth your time, but there’s no guarantee of chemistry, or even that you’ll like each other once you’ve said hello.
Thus, it’s tempting to spend an unreasonable amount of time perfecting the profile, over-thinking every phrase, without ever considering what might happen beyond “hello.” In the comfort of our own home, it can be difficult to mentally transition from an idea of a match to a real person.
The curse of over-thinking can also make an appearance on the first date. Compare meeting someone through an online dating site with someone you’ve randomly met in a bar: through online dating, you’ve read each other’s profile, had conversations through email, and have some idea whether you’re compatible, as opposed to someone who’s a blank slate. And yet, it’s not uncommon to feel less confident in the chemistry present, or even your own attractiveness. Why? Well, perhaps when we can control various aspects of dating - like, say, our profile - we become all the more conscious of elements we can’t control. We want so much to have a successful date, that we forget to let the date actually happen.
So when you’re writing your profile or heading out for a date, try to remember that there’s a certain element of chance, parts you can’t control - and that’s okay. There are no bonus points for having a picture-perfect first date, or starting a relationship as efficiently as possible; you’re just trying to find the right fit for you. Enjoy the moment, and the possibility of a new friend. Online dating can take quite a bit of stress out of the dating game; don’t add any back in with over-analyzing.
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