Merging Into a Couple

Have you ever noticed that when a couple makes the big step of moving in together, sometimes it goes without a hitch, and sometimes it’s a sitcom in the making? That’s because there’s a certain period of adjustment that happens in a committed relationship - a transition between thinking of one person and thinking of two. At some point, you have to merge your schedules, your free time, maybe even your finances, and find your balance. Some people don’t make this transition until they’re living together, but for others it can come much sooner - so it’s best to be aware, lest it catch you off-guard.

This transition - call it a “merger” - doesn’t happen on a set schedule. Those who have a very busy social life, or maybe a very rigid schedule, will probably be feeling it first. When you’re booked up every night, something is going to have to give if you ever want to see your relationship blossom. Thus, a little rearranging is in order. At times like this, some people feel resentful - and that’s normal. After all, your life is being upheaved, and that brings stress. Just try to remember: it’s for a wonderful reason, and whether or not your partner faces the same immediate challenges you do, they’ll be making their own concessions and tough decisions, sooner or later.

At the same time, it’s important to remember that while this may be a “merge,” it is not a “meld.” You shouldn’t morph into a new entity with one brain and two bodies; your friends can still see you one-on-one from time to time. Nor should one person be fully absorbed into the other; even if one person willingly eliminates their own friends, family, interests, and possessions, such an imbalance could lead to resentment later - if not from one partner, than from the other. For the couple that can’t seem to separate, remind yourselves (and each other): you fell in love based on the whole package, the differences as well as the similarities.

Making the change from “two people dating” to “a couple” is an adjustment; for some couples, it might be the first case of disharmony or stress you’ve faced together. Just remember that while such a merger may lead to tense moments or even arguments, there’s no reason to let it break down a relationship before it’s begun. If you’re both prepared to compromise and communicate, you can weather this storm - and any others to come - together.