What You're Looking For: Putting It Into Words
- Monday, September 24 2012 @ 09:46 am
- Contributed by: Jet
- Views: 1,049
You’ve been working on your online dating profile, and you think you’ve got the self-summary part word-perfect. You’re pleased with how you’re presenting yourself. Only one thing remains: you have to write about the person you’re looking for. And this is where things get difficult for you. After all, if you knew exactly what you were looking for, wouldn’t you have found it already? What if you’re too weirdly specific? How should this section be tackled?
First, there’s one thing you shouldn’t do: don’t waste time talking about who you don’t want. It doesn’t matter if you’re trying to be nice (“I’m not looking for someone who looks like Brad Pitt”) or if you’re trying to prevent problems (“If you’re someone who can’t let go of your past relationship issues, I’m not interested”). When you speak in negative terms, you appear negative yourself. No one wants to appear bitter or surly, so by making sure everything you say is in positive terms, you avoid a major land mine from the very beginning.
Neither should you tell your reader what they “have to” be, unless you’re talking about something that is absolutely, dealbreakingly non-negotiable. For example: if it really makes you ill to think about kissing a carnivore, then yes, your date should be a vegetarian. However, for most people, most subjects have at least a little wiggle-room, and you’re making a list of possibilities, not demands at a hostage negotiation. Thus, the phrases “have to” and “should be” (as in, “you should be able to communicate well”) “should be” eliminated! You’ll only come off as patronizing, controlling, or some combination of both.
So, what words and phrases can be used in abundance? Ones that don’t draw lines in the sand. A few great examples are: “could,” “might,” and “maybe.” For example: “The guy of my dreams might be found at a Knicks game” or “You could be into anime.” The reader might not be able to identify with one specific sentence, but she might fit the bill in several others, so she easily discounts what doesn’t apply.
As far as what to write about your dream date: if you’re absolutely stuck, try thinking of your own interests that you’d like to share and apply it to your potential match. For example, maybe you like going to concerts but couldn’t fit it in your self-summary. Now you can say: “My match might be found at an indie show.” Note that in that example, there’s a genre, but not a specific band. In general, you want to throw in details, but not be too specific or obscure; the idea is for the reader to identify and imagine themselves as your perfect match. They’ll add the specifics in their mind.
The “What I’m Looking For” section in a profile can often slip into the generic, or be skipped altogether, but you shouldn’t let this opportunity pass you by! This is your chance for the reader to actively think about the two of you together. With a little simple proofreading, you might provide the extra kindling that leads to a spark of interest.
First, there’s one thing you shouldn’t do: don’t waste time talking about who you don’t want. It doesn’t matter if you’re trying to be nice (“I’m not looking for someone who looks like Brad Pitt”) or if you’re trying to prevent problems (“If you’re someone who can’t let go of your past relationship issues, I’m not interested”). When you speak in negative terms, you appear negative yourself. No one wants to appear bitter or surly, so by making sure everything you say is in positive terms, you avoid a major land mine from the very beginning.
Neither should you tell your reader what they “have to” be, unless you’re talking about something that is absolutely, dealbreakingly non-negotiable. For example: if it really makes you ill to think about kissing a carnivore, then yes, your date should be a vegetarian. However, for most people, most subjects have at least a little wiggle-room, and you’re making a list of possibilities, not demands at a hostage negotiation. Thus, the phrases “have to” and “should be” (as in, “you should be able to communicate well”) “should be” eliminated! You’ll only come off as patronizing, controlling, or some combination of both.
So, what words and phrases can be used in abundance? Ones that don’t draw lines in the sand. A few great examples are: “could,” “might,” and “maybe.” For example: “The guy of my dreams might be found at a Knicks game” or “You could be into anime.” The reader might not be able to identify with one specific sentence, but she might fit the bill in several others, so she easily discounts what doesn’t apply.
As far as what to write about your dream date: if you’re absolutely stuck, try thinking of your own interests that you’d like to share and apply it to your potential match. For example, maybe you like going to concerts but couldn’t fit it in your self-summary. Now you can say: “My match might be found at an indie show.” Note that in that example, there’s a genre, but not a specific band. In general, you want to throw in details, but not be too specific or obscure; the idea is for the reader to identify and imagine themselves as your perfect match. They’ll add the specifics in their mind.
The “What I’m Looking For” section in a profile can often slip into the generic, or be skipped altogether, but you shouldn’t let this opportunity pass you by! This is your chance for the reader to actively think about the two of you together. With a little simple proofreading, you might provide the extra kindling that leads to a spark of interest.
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