Looking Beyond the First Date
- Thursday, January 31 2013 @ 09:08 am
- Contributed by: Jet
- Views: 950
When it comes to online dating, much of the advice is centered around helping you land that first date, or even that first email. You’re focused on standing out, whether it’s through a funny headline, an unconventional default picture or just the fact that you’ve run spell-check, because you are only one of many people on dating sites and you want to be memorable. At the same time, you try to use the “numbers” aspect of online dating to your own advantage, emailing everyone who interests you because even a small return rate would be significant.
These methods are all geared towards “getting your foot in the door,” and for some people that’s all they need - a foot in the door. But some people only focus on that first date; once they get past it they aren’t prepared to mentally switch gears. Here are a few ways being slightly more prepared to do so can help your chances of building a lasting relationship.
First and foremost, think of the difference between a first date and a relationship as the difference between a sprint and a marathon. A marathon might brief periods of sprinting, that take priority at the time, but you don’t completely forget where you are. Similarly, you might know that getting your “foot in the door” is a necessary first step, but if your eventual goal is a long-term relationship, don’t forget it! How might this affect your decisions?
A prime example is in choosing the people you contact in the first place. Some people get so caught up in the “numbers game” aspect of online dating that they don’t really consider whether they’d be compatible with an individual. Then they find themselves on a first date with nothing to talk about, and wonder where they went wrong when it doesn’t go anywhere!
Another example is in how you mentally approach a first date. Some people get caught up in “rules” or “tricks” or “techniques.” They view a date as some kind of elaborate mating ritual or challenge they must conquer. They completely forget that in order to have a lasting relationship, you generally have to genuinely like your partner. Not every two people share romantic chemistry, and that’s okay; but denying yourself a proper chance to determine if there is that spark by being someone else is not.
So as you sit down to write first-contact emails and go on dates, ask yourself: by focusing on the sprint, have you forgotten about the marathon?
These methods are all geared towards “getting your foot in the door,” and for some people that’s all they need - a foot in the door. But some people only focus on that first date; once they get past it they aren’t prepared to mentally switch gears. Here are a few ways being slightly more prepared to do so can help your chances of building a lasting relationship.
First and foremost, think of the difference between a first date and a relationship as the difference between a sprint and a marathon. A marathon might brief periods of sprinting, that take priority at the time, but you don’t completely forget where you are. Similarly, you might know that getting your “foot in the door” is a necessary first step, but if your eventual goal is a long-term relationship, don’t forget it! How might this affect your decisions?
A prime example is in choosing the people you contact in the first place. Some people get so caught up in the “numbers game” aspect of online dating that they don’t really consider whether they’d be compatible with an individual. Then they find themselves on a first date with nothing to talk about, and wonder where they went wrong when it doesn’t go anywhere!
Another example is in how you mentally approach a first date. Some people get caught up in “rules” or “tricks” or “techniques.” They view a date as some kind of elaborate mating ritual or challenge they must conquer. They completely forget that in order to have a lasting relationship, you generally have to genuinely like your partner. Not every two people share romantic chemistry, and that’s okay; but denying yourself a proper chance to determine if there is that spark by being someone else is not.
So as you sit down to write first-contact emails and go on dates, ask yourself: by focusing on the sprint, have you forgotten about the marathon?
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