Know What You're Getting Into
- Tuesday, April 05 2011 @ 09:14 am
- Contributed by: Jet
- Views: 1,475
It’s easy to get carried away with excitement when you first step into the world of online dating. It used to be a major event when you say someone on the street who was in the same vague age bracket; now there’s dozens of possibilities at your fingertips, if not more. You thought you were the only person in town who had a particular hobby; now you’re thrilled to see that there’s many more - and they’re single to boot.
Even more exciting is when you happen upon a profile that seems like a real possibility - someone with common interests whose picture makes your heart beat a little faster. This person seems like a perfect match! You’re so interested that you conveniently miss the fact that the person is only looking for friends, or something short-term.
There’s nothing wrong with emailing someone who isn’t looking for the exact same thing you are; maybe you’ll develop a friendship. Maybe they’ll introduce you to yet another person with common interests, one with whom you have a real spark. There’s even the possibility that, despite the fact that they’re not looking for anything serious, something will develop anyway.
However, the mistake is assuming that the slight possibility that you’re “the one” is a guarantee. When you gloss over the wants and needs that they have specifically articulated - like, say, “I’m not looking for anything long-term” - you’re essentially saying you don’t respect your preferences. Not to mention the fact that it’s essentially arrogant to think you could change their mind; would you pursue someone of a different sexual orientation because you think they’ll just change their tune when it comes to you?
Granted, most people plunge ahead with first-contact emails anyway, not out of arrogance, but because they simply have high hopes. And again, it’s not terrible to strike up a simple conversation. However, don’t expect to get into a long-term relationship if that’s clearly not on the table (and, for that matter, don’t expect a fling when someone is clearly looking for a life partner). It’s fine to start up a friendship; just don’t be disappointed if that’s all you get.
Even more exciting is when you happen upon a profile that seems like a real possibility - someone with common interests whose picture makes your heart beat a little faster. This person seems like a perfect match! You’re so interested that you conveniently miss the fact that the person is only looking for friends, or something short-term.
There’s nothing wrong with emailing someone who isn’t looking for the exact same thing you are; maybe you’ll develop a friendship. Maybe they’ll introduce you to yet another person with common interests, one with whom you have a real spark. There’s even the possibility that, despite the fact that they’re not looking for anything serious, something will develop anyway.
However, the mistake is assuming that the slight possibility that you’re “the one” is a guarantee. When you gloss over the wants and needs that they have specifically articulated - like, say, “I’m not looking for anything long-term” - you’re essentially saying you don’t respect your preferences. Not to mention the fact that it’s essentially arrogant to think you could change their mind; would you pursue someone of a different sexual orientation because you think they’ll just change their tune when it comes to you?
Granted, most people plunge ahead with first-contact emails anyway, not out of arrogance, but because they simply have high hopes. And again, it’s not terrible to strike up a simple conversation. However, don’t expect to get into a long-term relationship if that’s clearly not on the table (and, for that matter, don’t expect a fling when someone is clearly looking for a life partner). It’s fine to start up a friendship; just don’t be disappointed if that’s all you get.
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