Do You Jump into Relationships too Quickly?

Falling in love is fantastic - you feel so drawn to another person, it can be intoxicating. You want to spend all your time together, and during the time you're apart, you might be fantasizing about your budding relationship.

While love is an amazing feeling, it's also a good idea to avoid throwing yourself all in right at the start. First examine your history - do you tend to fall in love quickly and easily? Do you jump from relationship to relationship looking for that initial feeling of excitement? Do you crash and burn, and then look for the next high?

It's hard to admit our weaknesses sometimes, especially when it comes to love. We all have them, and we all fall into patterns because of them. Being more aware of your own tendencies can help you change these patterns and find happier, healthier relationships.

Let me give you an example. One of my clients is going through his second divorce, and he is devastated that his marriage didn't work out yet again. Within a month of his wife leaving, he joined an online dating site and started dating another woman. He quickly fell for her, even though she was also going through a divorce and didn't want anything serious. When he tried to move the relationship forward by spending more and more time together, she got scared and quickly broke things off. He was hurt again, but instead of spending a little time on his own, he went right back to online dating.

When I asked him about his need to be in a relationship, he said that he felt better, more connected and more at ease in a relationship rather than on his own. He liked falling in love, companionship. But who doesn't?

I advised him to take his time, to become a little more comfortable with who he is on his own, outside of a relationship. Because a relationship wouldn't - and shouldn't - define him. And if he wanted some female companionship, then it was fine to date people casually. But whatever the case, he should hold off on jumping into a relationship, no matter how compelled he felt. No matter how desperate he became, or how convinced he was that a new woman was right for him.

This was hard advice for him to try, and still is. He has since been convinced (in the span of two months) that he's fallen for three more women. But he's stopped himself from jumping right in to a relationship, and instead opted to taking his time. And the interesting thing is, he's finding out more about these women - and what doesn't work for him - than he would have if he'd been a little quicker to commit.

I'm not advocating that people should be players, but I think it's healthy to date more than one person and not feel rushed to take that next step. You'll know when it's right, because it won't resemble and relationship pattern you've felt before. It will be different. Because you will be more certain of who you are. And you will be fine on your own, too.