Jane, Jeff and Taking Chances
- Tuesday, May 28 2013 @ 06:53 am
- Contributed by: Jet
- Views: 1,131
By now you’ve probably been reminded that on a first date, “everyone is nervous.” It’s not only true, it’s easy to imagine, to believe. However, there’s another truth that some have a harder time internalizing: that a sincere, polite, first-contact email is never a bad idea.
It’s easy for us to construct barriers that limit ourselves or keep us feeling awkward and ill-at-ease. With very few exceptions, we’re all insecure about something. When it comes to approaching someone else, all those insecurities rear their heads - and, additionally, we seem incapable of understanding that we’re not the only ones with this problem.
Consider the fictional couple Jeff and Jane. Jane likes the look of Jeff’s profile. However, as a child she was told that “boys don’t like girls who chase them or are forward.” Furthermore, she’s heard that “single women get approached by men constantly.” Thus, if she’s not getting emailed, she thinks there’s something wrong with her. She doesn’t contact Jeff.
Jeff likes the look of Jane’s profile. However, he’s approached women many times in his life, often in person. Some of them were already taken, some weren’t interested, but regardless, he’s had more rejections than acceptances over the years. He knows he has to be “special” to stand out, but he doesn’t feel special today. He doesn’t contact Jane.
Now, imagine if one of them had worked up the nerve to contact the other. Does either one sound like the type to be rude or dismissive? Even if ultimately there’s no spark, or if one wasn’t interested the profile of the other - does it seem like it was a chance not worth taking? Of course not! Jane and Jeff just might be compatible - and if they’re not, they’re not worse off than if they’d never spoken.
For the majority of people, these are the sort of chances that are passing them by. Yes, there might be surly, dismissive or downright mean people out there, just like there are in the rest of the world. However, online dating has several advantages: everyone is single and looking, so you can eliminate those awkward “mixed-signal” encounters you get in person; you’re not doing the contacting in person, so even a rejection stings less; you can contact people who might otherwise make you feel awkward or shy, thus giving you a bit of a “courage boost.”
There may be plenty of fish in the sea, but that’s not much help if we’re keeping ourselves from even casting bait. Almost everyone will appreciate a first-contact email that’s not offensive, even if there’s ultimately no spark. And on the other hand, a connection is possible. Don’t be like Jane or Jeff - jump those internal hurdles!
It’s easy for us to construct barriers that limit ourselves or keep us feeling awkward and ill-at-ease. With very few exceptions, we’re all insecure about something. When it comes to approaching someone else, all those insecurities rear their heads - and, additionally, we seem incapable of understanding that we’re not the only ones with this problem.
Consider the fictional couple Jeff and Jane. Jane likes the look of Jeff’s profile. However, as a child she was told that “boys don’t like girls who chase them or are forward.” Furthermore, she’s heard that “single women get approached by men constantly.” Thus, if she’s not getting emailed, she thinks there’s something wrong with her. She doesn’t contact Jeff.
Jeff likes the look of Jane’s profile. However, he’s approached women many times in his life, often in person. Some of them were already taken, some weren’t interested, but regardless, he’s had more rejections than acceptances over the years. He knows he has to be “special” to stand out, but he doesn’t feel special today. He doesn’t contact Jane.
Now, imagine if one of them had worked up the nerve to contact the other. Does either one sound like the type to be rude or dismissive? Even if ultimately there’s no spark, or if one wasn’t interested the profile of the other - does it seem like it was a chance not worth taking? Of course not! Jane and Jeff just might be compatible - and if they’re not, they’re not worse off than if they’d never spoken.
For the majority of people, these are the sort of chances that are passing them by. Yes, there might be surly, dismissive or downright mean people out there, just like there are in the rest of the world. However, online dating has several advantages: everyone is single and looking, so you can eliminate those awkward “mixed-signal” encounters you get in person; you’re not doing the contacting in person, so even a rejection stings less; you can contact people who might otherwise make you feel awkward or shy, thus giving you a bit of a “courage boost.”
There may be plenty of fish in the sea, but that’s not much help if we’re keeping ourselves from even casting bait. Almost everyone will appreciate a first-contact email that’s not offensive, even if there’s ultimately no spark. And on the other hand, a connection is possible. Don’t be like Jane or Jeff - jump those internal hurdles!
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