Jackpot Syndrome
- Thursday, May 31 2012 @ 10:43 am
- Contributed by: Jet
- Views: 1,574
It’s not uncommon for the focus in online dating to be on the numbers. How else are we to judge success, if we’re not in a serious relationship? Well, we look at the numbers of dates we’ve had, or emails responded to. When we wonder if we’ve been “giving online dating our all,” we ask ourselves how many emails we’ve sent out in the last week or month. In general, there’s nothing wrong with using numbers to quantify your dating situation; after all, it’s simple math that the more potentially compatible people you interact with, the better your chances are of finding someone with whom you click romantically. That’s why most of us try online dating in the first place.
However, there is one exception to the “numbers game” mindset, one time when less isn’t always more, and it’s good to be aware of it. When you’re beginning to see someone, when a relationship feels like it might be growing, you must beware of what I like to call “Jackpot syndrome.” Jackpot syndrome is when people begin to get the same mindset they do in casinos; they’ve been rewarded amply already, but they keep feeding money into that slot machine, because the next spin could be the jackpot.
The problem is, with online dating, it’s not immediately obvious whether you’ve just met your personal “jackpot” or not. And since you’re unsure, you’re keeping one eye open and looking around for someone better, “just in case.” You keep sending out emails and striking up conversations with new people. Maybe you continue to go on dates.
It’s understandable why you’d want to do this - after all, what if your first relationship doesn’t pan out past the first date? What about the other people you’ve been emailing? Are you expected to just undo all that work you’ve done for something that isn’t a sure thing?
However, once you’ve gone on a few dates with one person, playing your numbers game to the max just means you’re spreading yourself a little too thin. So try this basic rule: continue communicating with as many people as you like, until you’ve been on two or three dates with one person. After that, take a moratorium from the casino games and give the relationship you’re working on an honest try.
If you don’t want to just disappear from your online dating site, send an email to others you may have been talking to and explain why. They might respect your honesty, and the fact that you clearly give your full attention to the relationship at hand; and later, if it doesn’t work out and you’re still both available, it might actually work in your favor.
It can be heady, all the possibilities out there on online dating sites. Still, remember why you began online dating in the first place. If it was simply to date as many people as possible, carry on with your numbers game. But if it was to find love, keep your eyes on the goal - and remember that the definition of “giving it your all” can evolve along with a relationship.
However, there is one exception to the “numbers game” mindset, one time when less isn’t always more, and it’s good to be aware of it. When you’re beginning to see someone, when a relationship feels like it might be growing, you must beware of what I like to call “Jackpot syndrome.” Jackpot syndrome is when people begin to get the same mindset they do in casinos; they’ve been rewarded amply already, but they keep feeding money into that slot machine, because the next spin could be the jackpot.
The problem is, with online dating, it’s not immediately obvious whether you’ve just met your personal “jackpot” or not. And since you’re unsure, you’re keeping one eye open and looking around for someone better, “just in case.” You keep sending out emails and striking up conversations with new people. Maybe you continue to go on dates.
It’s understandable why you’d want to do this - after all, what if your first relationship doesn’t pan out past the first date? What about the other people you’ve been emailing? Are you expected to just undo all that work you’ve done for something that isn’t a sure thing?
However, once you’ve gone on a few dates with one person, playing your numbers game to the max just means you’re spreading yourself a little too thin. So try this basic rule: continue communicating with as many people as you like, until you’ve been on two or three dates with one person. After that, take a moratorium from the casino games and give the relationship you’re working on an honest try.
If you don’t want to just disappear from your online dating site, send an email to others you may have been talking to and explain why. They might respect your honesty, and the fact that you clearly give your full attention to the relationship at hand; and later, if it doesn’t work out and you’re still both available, it might actually work in your favor.
It can be heady, all the possibilities out there on online dating sites. Still, remember why you began online dating in the first place. If it was simply to date as many people as possible, carry on with your numbers game. But if it was to find love, keep your eyes on the goal - and remember that the definition of “giving it your all” can evolve along with a relationship.
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