It's an Ending, Not a Failure

I recently came across a quote attributed to Dan Savage: “Every relationship you are in will fail, until one doesn’t.”

It’s absolutely true, and yet it’s something we need to be reminded of. If your relationship isn’t going so well that you’re going to stay together... well, forever, at some point it will have to end. Why, then, do we feel like failures when really it’s a statistical probability?

And why do we assume that relationships that have ended have no value? In theory, every relationship, from a long marriage to the shortest fling, can teach us something about ourselves or what we’re looking for. Not to mention the fact that relationships are frequently full of good memories, happy times, sometimes even children. Just because a relationship has ended doesn’t mean you’d always be happier if it had never happened.

I frequently speak to people who tell me, “I’m no good when it comes to relationships. Every single one of my relationships has ended badly. There must be something wrong with me.” Well, guess what? Every other single person out there has also experienced the end of all their previous relationships. Either everyone’s broken - which is possible, I suppose, but unlikely - or it’s a far more natural process, one we shouldn’t feel bad about. So we haven’t yet found a partner with whom we’re able to maintain a steady, close relationship with over many years. Aren’t friendships like that equally rare?

So as we contact new people, form new friendships, and go on dates with new prospective matches, let’s try not to put undue additional pressure on ourselves. The next relationship may end sooner rather than later; it’s just a statistical probability. Perhaps some people are only compatible with each other at certain points in their lives. On the other hand, though, perhaps the next relationship is the one that doesn’t “fail.” Either way, let’s enjoy what we have while we have it.