It's an Automatic No If You Never Ask
- Saturday, March 23 2013 @ 02:50 pm
- Contributed by: Jet
- Views: 853
“Stan” recently decided to give online dating sites a try. A week or two after he’d created his profile, I asked him how things were going.
“Not great,” he said. “I know part of it is my own fault... because I haven’t actually contacted anyone.”
“Well, it is more difficult to meet anyone if you wait for them to come to you,” I agreed.
“It’s just that, whenever I find someone I’m interested in, the site tells me we’re not compatible due to our preferences! Like I’m 5’9”, and she’ll specify 5’10” or taller. Or I make less money than she’s looking for. Or I have a dog and she only likes cats. It seems like there’s always something.”
Stan’s problem is not uncommon. Even when someone is interested in the self-summary section of an online dating profile, they’re often discouraged by the preferences section - the cold, hard, unyielding statistics.
Little do they know, the figures often seem much more unyielding than they actually are. For many people, that section is the equivalent of dreaming up their Prince or Princess Charming. Do they absolutely expect to meet a person who meets every one of those requirements? Not necessarily. Would they turn down someone who was perfect except for the fact that he owns a dog and not a cat? They’d probably at least respond to the email, if not give a date a shot.
However, they’re not going to be matched up with Stan automatically, because the computer will rule him out. Thus, these women will probably not come across his profile on their own... unless he contacts them first.
“Tell me,” I said to Stan, “Did any of these women spell out those requirements in the actual body of their profile?”
“No,” he said, “but maybe they just wanted to avoid redundancy.”
“Possibly,” I allowed. “But if you had just based everything on the written profile, do you think you’d have a shot? You have common interests, you think you might be compatible?”
“Well, yes,” he said. “I think I’d at least have a shot.”
“Then just email them!” I said. “What’s the worst that could happen? If you’re really not what they’re looking for, they probably just won’t respond. Even if it was a worst-case scenario and they responded with something mean, well, that’s not someone you’d want to date anyway. It won’t hurt your chances overall, and it could only help them.”
As you sit down to peruse online dating profiles, ask yourself: are you holding yourself back from contacting someone you’re interested in? How much weight do you give those preferences? And what have you got to lose by dating someone outside your ideal boxes?
“Not great,” he said. “I know part of it is my own fault... because I haven’t actually contacted anyone.”
“Well, it is more difficult to meet anyone if you wait for them to come to you,” I agreed.
“It’s just that, whenever I find someone I’m interested in, the site tells me we’re not compatible due to our preferences! Like I’m 5’9”, and she’ll specify 5’10” or taller. Or I make less money than she’s looking for. Or I have a dog and she only likes cats. It seems like there’s always something.”
Stan’s problem is not uncommon. Even when someone is interested in the self-summary section of an online dating profile, they’re often discouraged by the preferences section - the cold, hard, unyielding statistics.
Little do they know, the figures often seem much more unyielding than they actually are. For many people, that section is the equivalent of dreaming up their Prince or Princess Charming. Do they absolutely expect to meet a person who meets every one of those requirements? Not necessarily. Would they turn down someone who was perfect except for the fact that he owns a dog and not a cat? They’d probably at least respond to the email, if not give a date a shot.
However, they’re not going to be matched up with Stan automatically, because the computer will rule him out. Thus, these women will probably not come across his profile on their own... unless he contacts them first.
“Tell me,” I said to Stan, “Did any of these women spell out those requirements in the actual body of their profile?”
“No,” he said, “but maybe they just wanted to avoid redundancy.”
“Possibly,” I allowed. “But if you had just based everything on the written profile, do you think you’d have a shot? You have common interests, you think you might be compatible?”
“Well, yes,” he said. “I think I’d at least have a shot.”
“Then just email them!” I said. “What’s the worst that could happen? If you’re really not what they’re looking for, they probably just won’t respond. Even if it was a worst-case scenario and they responded with something mean, well, that’s not someone you’d want to date anyway. It won’t hurt your chances overall, and it could only help them.”
As you sit down to peruse online dating profiles, ask yourself: are you holding yourself back from contacting someone you’re interested in? How much weight do you give those preferences? And what have you got to lose by dating someone outside your ideal boxes?
Subscribe
