Instincts: Don't Discount Them
- Monday, November 05 2012 @ 10:54 am
- Contributed by: Jet
- Views: 960
If you’ve participated in online dating before, you’ve probably heard that in addition to using reason and making careful choices, you should also listen to your gut instinct. Indeed, this is probably the combination you should be using all the time, in every decision you make! Traditionally, you’ve probably heard about “listening to your gut” when it comes to issues of safety; whether it’s a premonition or just your brain putting together tiny clues on a deep level, it’s true that listening to a “bad feeling” is generally a good idea (better safe than sorry, after all). But listening to your gut can be useful in other areas of dating as well.
Have you ever made a snap judgment about someone the moment you met, only to be proven right in the end? Not about something superficial, like what they do for a living; something along the lines of whether they’re a good person or not. It’s possible to experience an instant dislike, rather like the opposite of chemistry; it’s also possible to immediately feel comfortable with someone. Perhaps you’ve already experienced this with one of your close friends.
Listening to these gut reactions can prove to be valuable, if only because they can save you time. If you feel, on some level, a dislike or an aversion to someone, why fight it? I’ve known people who have gone on second or third dates with someone they weren’t thrilled about simply because they couldn’t put their finger on what they didn’t like and they wanted to “give them a fair chance.” It’s entirely possible that there was nothing “wrong” with their date; they were just quite literally incompatible. So why waste time on dates that are falling flat, when they could both be looking for someone for whom it was much easier?
On the other hand, an “instant like” can tell you that it’s worth pursuing someone, even if you might not have very much in common on the surface. Some people just click, despite all their differences. I know a woman who instantly clicked with someone, and almost threw it all way; she worried about their conflicting politics and views and was very much in her own head. Luckily, she didn’t give up on the relationship, and the differences turned out to be not as pressing as she’d feared.
What if your gut instincts are telling you... nothing? Don’t worry! Some people take longer to loosen up than others, so you haven’t gotten a read on your compatibility. Or maybe your “gut” just doesn’t work like that, and you interpret the information you’re getting in some other way. Don’t feel that you have to feel an “instant like” or “love at first sight;” most relationships start with a spark and grow - they don’t spontaneously burst into flame. However, if your instincts are telling you something one way or another, it’s usually a good idea to at least seriously consider them.
Listening to your gut doesn’t always have to be in matters of safety; in fact, if we’re already used to weighing our instincts along with our rational knowledge, we’ll be all the more equipped to listen if we get a strong message one way or another. And let’s face it; when it comes to love, so much of it is based on nebulous, unquantifiable “feelings” and “chemistry” - so we might as well be listening.
Have you ever made a snap judgment about someone the moment you met, only to be proven right in the end? Not about something superficial, like what they do for a living; something along the lines of whether they’re a good person or not. It’s possible to experience an instant dislike, rather like the opposite of chemistry; it’s also possible to immediately feel comfortable with someone. Perhaps you’ve already experienced this with one of your close friends.
Listening to these gut reactions can prove to be valuable, if only because they can save you time. If you feel, on some level, a dislike or an aversion to someone, why fight it? I’ve known people who have gone on second or third dates with someone they weren’t thrilled about simply because they couldn’t put their finger on what they didn’t like and they wanted to “give them a fair chance.” It’s entirely possible that there was nothing “wrong” with their date; they were just quite literally incompatible. So why waste time on dates that are falling flat, when they could both be looking for someone for whom it was much easier?
On the other hand, an “instant like” can tell you that it’s worth pursuing someone, even if you might not have very much in common on the surface. Some people just click, despite all their differences. I know a woman who instantly clicked with someone, and almost threw it all way; she worried about their conflicting politics and views and was very much in her own head. Luckily, she didn’t give up on the relationship, and the differences turned out to be not as pressing as she’d feared.
What if your gut instincts are telling you... nothing? Don’t worry! Some people take longer to loosen up than others, so you haven’t gotten a read on your compatibility. Or maybe your “gut” just doesn’t work like that, and you interpret the information you’re getting in some other way. Don’t feel that you have to feel an “instant like” or “love at first sight;” most relationships start with a spark and grow - they don’t spontaneously burst into flame. However, if your instincts are telling you something one way or another, it’s usually a good idea to at least seriously consider them.
Listening to your gut doesn’t always have to be in matters of safety; in fact, if we’re already used to weighing our instincts along with our rational knowledge, we’ll be all the more equipped to listen if we get a strong message one way or another. And let’s face it; when it comes to love, so much of it is based on nebulous, unquantifiable “feelings” and “chemistry” - so we might as well be listening.
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