Instant Success?

There’s an old saying: you have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince (or princess). In theory, online dating can help you avoid a few of those frogs, by narrowing down and vetting your options before you even meet. However, a few acquaintances and recent newcomers to online dating have shared with me a surprising goal: they don’t intend to find any frogs at all. When they finally choose to start up a correspondence, it will be with the person who is The One for them.

I wish them all the best of luck, but honestly, how many people stay with the first person they ever dated? Even those who marry their high school sweethearts might have broken a few junior-high hearts. And there’s nothing wrong with having dated multiple people before settling down; having experiences with the wrong people can help you identify the right one all the more quickly. At any rate, why is the perception of online dating so much different than any other dating method? Why are these new people approaching online dating with stars in their eyes?

Well, if you look in the news, online dating has two major themes. In one, people are cautioned about possible scams and con artists, the dangers of online dating; the other is typically success stories, marriage announcements, how-we-met stories. If you’re confident that you can protect yourself, you might discount the first theme. If the “danger” theme is wrong, than the “success” theme must be right, some think. And it can be - but who knows how many “frogs” those success stories met first?

Online dating is an alternative method of social interaction - of meeting someone - and it allows you to create the first impression you want, but it’s still subject to the mysteries of human chemistry. You’ll have to get to know someone, both online and in person, before you decide if you’re really compatible. Will your best match be the first person you contact? Possibly. But it might also be the fifth, or the tenth, or the twentieth. Even when you narrow down the possibilities, the actual time you meet is left up to chance - what if your best match doesn’t even register until six months after you have?

So as you begin online dating, remember that there’s nothing wrong with dating a few people before you settle down. Dating is social, after all, and a little practice never hurts anyone. Online dating allows you to narrow the field to more likely possibilities - but that doesn’t mean there’s not still a bit of patience required.