Infatuation - Are We Addicted?
- Friday, August 13 2010 @ 08:41 am
- Contributed by: Jet
- Views: 2,483
A friend of mine has been having some trouble in the love department. She's met a guy, and he's sweet, trustworthy, and an overall good person. Luckily, she can recognize his positive traits. However, she wasn't sure whether she was, as she put it, “really attracted to him.”
The way she phrased it, and brought it up several times, puzzled me, so I began to question her. “Well, are you repulsed by him?” I asked.
“No, no!” she said. “Quite the opposite.” She was on vacation at the time, so I asked her if she missed the guy. “Well,” she said, “As I've been seeing the sights, I've been wishing he was here to see them, or I've been texting him pictures and stories, and I've been thinking that maybe someday he could come here and see them, too.”
“Have you been thinking this way about anyone else?” I asked.
“Well, no,” she admitted.
“Okay,” I announced. “You've lost me. I have no idea what you mean when you say you're not attracted to him or you're not sure you like him. It certainly seems like you are and you do. So what's missing?”
“You know,” she said. “That feeling, that you need that person like a drug.”
I looked at her out of narrowed eyes. “You're missing infatuation,” I said flatly. “Or something less healthy.”
Infatuation is a heady thing. It's those chemicals in our brain that make us think we've found our one true love. Sometimes when we're infatuated we live on adrenaline and hormones and forget about things like eating and common sense. It can be quite the wild ride.
You can also be infatuated with someone completely wrong for you. It really has very little to do with whether or not you have true “chemistry.” And some people, perhaps, become addicted to the infatuation itself, and seek it out instead of a lasting relationship.
Here's the thing: no matter how wild the ride, you'll build up a tolerance to those chemicals. The infatuation will fade, and your relationship will now have to be based on whatever else you've built. Also, in my opinion my friend was comparing her levels of infatuation to the most suffocating relationships she'd ever experienced – those Romeo and Juliet-style obsessions in the teen years, when we're basically comprised of hormones and brain chemicals.
As you evaluate your relationships and your chemistry, ask yourself: Do you need infatuation? Are you hooked on those heady first months? And what does a relationship really need?
The way she phrased it, and brought it up several times, puzzled me, so I began to question her. “Well, are you repulsed by him?” I asked.
“No, no!” she said. “Quite the opposite.” She was on vacation at the time, so I asked her if she missed the guy. “Well,” she said, “As I've been seeing the sights, I've been wishing he was here to see them, or I've been texting him pictures and stories, and I've been thinking that maybe someday he could come here and see them, too.”
“Have you been thinking this way about anyone else?” I asked.
“Well, no,” she admitted.
“Okay,” I announced. “You've lost me. I have no idea what you mean when you say you're not attracted to him or you're not sure you like him. It certainly seems like you are and you do. So what's missing?”
“You know,” she said. “That feeling, that you need that person like a drug.”
I looked at her out of narrowed eyes. “You're missing infatuation,” I said flatly. “Or something less healthy.”
Infatuation is a heady thing. It's those chemicals in our brain that make us think we've found our one true love. Sometimes when we're infatuated we live on adrenaline and hormones and forget about things like eating and common sense. It can be quite the wild ride.
You can also be infatuated with someone completely wrong for you. It really has very little to do with whether or not you have true “chemistry.” And some people, perhaps, become addicted to the infatuation itself, and seek it out instead of a lasting relationship.
Here's the thing: no matter how wild the ride, you'll build up a tolerance to those chemicals. The infatuation will fade, and your relationship will now have to be based on whatever else you've built. Also, in my opinion my friend was comparing her levels of infatuation to the most suffocating relationships she'd ever experienced – those Romeo and Juliet-style obsessions in the teen years, when we're basically comprised of hormones and brain chemicals.
As you evaluate your relationships and your chemistry, ask yourself: Do you need infatuation? Are you hooked on those heady first months? And what does a relationship really need?
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