Improve Your Relationships by Letting Go

Most of us like being in control. We plan, we strategize, and we go about our business without help from others, because it provides a sense of empowerment and knowledge. When we know our world and how to operate in it, we feel secure. We also like everyone else to fall in line (even if we won't admit it)! We enjoy advising others and making judgments about their decisions, especially if they differ from ours. If you want proof of this, just look at our politicians.

I always considered myself an open-minded person. I like people - learning about what makes each person feel a sense of purpose. But sometimes I get stuck. I think about my husband, my friends, and my family and what they should be doing instead of accepting them for who they are, even if their decisions don't fall in line with mine. I can have a hard time letting go.

There were times when I felt anger or resentment towards the people in my life. I wanted to tell them how wrong they were and what to do differently. But thankfully I held my tongue. Because the truth is, judgment is toxic. Just because I believe something doesn't make it right. It's just my opinion - and everyone is entitled to their own. And the only person I'm hurting as I'm off in the corner, sitting with my sadness and anger, is myself.

While it's tempting to be right and to hold others accountable for their actions - even transgressions - against you, I've found that this is harmful in the long run. You're missing out on an opportunity to learn. You're carrying the weight of resentment around with you, which after a while becomes a pretty heavy load to bear. Wouldn't it be easier to just put it down, to walk free and clear with no burden attached to you?

In the case of dating, we often carry around expectations that easily turn into burdens. We imagine a perfect partner, and then place our expectations on the person we fall in love with. When he falls short of those expectations, we become angry and resentful. We wonder what happened, asking things like: "Why can't he make me happy? Why doesn't he get me? Why does he act so lazy and immature?" The reality is, our expectations become the problem. We're not willing to let go of what we expect in favor of the unknown - of what we can create with another person if we give things a chance. If we let them be who they are.

The bottom line: learn to let go - of anger, of unrealistic expectations, of resentment, of preconceived notions of people - whatever is bringing you down. The more we can approach life unburdened, and unburden others in the process, the happier we'll be in all of our relationships.