I Like You, Just As You Are
- Monday, August 30 2010 @ 10:24 am
- Contributed by: Jet
- Views: 2,470
We all have something we'd like to change about ourselves. Maybe we have several somethings we'd like to change: our weight, that haircut that's growing out so slowly. Maybe it goes a little deeper, like we wish we were more brave and could try something new. That's okay; no one's perfect. But when it comes to your online dating profile, there's one large no-no: never apologize for who you are.
That's not to say you should brag about how wonderful you are (well, maybe just a little). But if there's something you're planning on changing – so much so that you want to bring it up on your profile – bring it up on your own terms. Don't be apologetic about it. Don't say, “I know I'm a little chubby, but I'm trying to work on that.” Try something like, “Recently I've joined a gym, and it feels great to have a healthier routine.” Instead of saying, “Trying new things is difficult for me, but I'm doing my best,” say, “Last month I joined a pottery class. I was nervous at first, but it's proven to be quite fun!”
The reader should be attracted to who you are, not who you promise you will be. And the first step in that direction is confidence about who you are, right now. Maybe you're not quite where you'd like to be, but that doesn't mean you're not good enough.
And remember: we are always pickier about ourselves – more often than not something that seems huge to us is much less significant to others. I once had a friend who was so keen to pick out a new picture for his profile now that he had lost 70 pounds. We went through his photos, and he realized two things: first, that it doesn't matter if you're thinner if you're scowling at the camera – a bad picture is a bad picture, and secondly, that his weight only affected his face minimally to begin with. Sure, he was much healthier now that he'd lost the weight, but it didn't affect how he looked in pictures all that much.
So when you're working on your online dating profile, be confident about who you are, not who you will become. Maybe actively working on things you want to change will be a confidence boost, like my friend and his weight. Still, ultimately, you need to be happy with yourself, faults and all. Everyone has them, and the person who ultimately falls in love with you will love you for the entire package, not just one aspect. Why can't you love yourself as well?
That's not to say you should brag about how wonderful you are (well, maybe just a little). But if there's something you're planning on changing – so much so that you want to bring it up on your profile – bring it up on your own terms. Don't be apologetic about it. Don't say, “I know I'm a little chubby, but I'm trying to work on that.” Try something like, “Recently I've joined a gym, and it feels great to have a healthier routine.” Instead of saying, “Trying new things is difficult for me, but I'm doing my best,” say, “Last month I joined a pottery class. I was nervous at first, but it's proven to be quite fun!”
The reader should be attracted to who you are, not who you promise you will be. And the first step in that direction is confidence about who you are, right now. Maybe you're not quite where you'd like to be, but that doesn't mean you're not good enough.
And remember: we are always pickier about ourselves – more often than not something that seems huge to us is much less significant to others. I once had a friend who was so keen to pick out a new picture for his profile now that he had lost 70 pounds. We went through his photos, and he realized two things: first, that it doesn't matter if you're thinner if you're scowling at the camera – a bad picture is a bad picture, and secondly, that his weight only affected his face minimally to begin with. Sure, he was much healthier now that he'd lost the weight, but it didn't affect how he looked in pictures all that much.
So when you're working on your online dating profile, be confident about who you are, not who you will become. Maybe actively working on things you want to change will be a confidence boost, like my friend and his weight. Still, ultimately, you need to be happy with yourself, faults and all. Everyone has them, and the person who ultimately falls in love with you will love you for the entire package, not just one aspect. Why can't you love yourself as well?
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