How Necessary Are Common Interests?
- Monday, June 24 2013 @ 06:47 am
- Contributed by: Jet
- Views: 965
It’s not surprising that we place a premium on common interests. Meet someone in person who shares your love of obscure mid-century cookware and you feel like you’ve found a long-lost best friend. When we say we “can’t find anyone we’re interested in” after a quick scan of an online dating site, it’s often based on whether we can easily find someone with those common interests. The question is, do we place too much emphasis on sharing common interests? Is that what makes a lasting relationship?
As with everything else, it probably depends on individuals involved. For example, not many adults are still super-fans of the teen idols they crushed over in high school; similarly, many hobbies and passions come and go. If someone who’s particularly fair-weather when it comes to their interests based their dating searches only on the flavor of the moment, chances are they’d eventually want to move on.
However, sometimes interests and hobbies can reveal a general personality type, even as the specifics come and go. Maybe you don’t still have the same favorite TV show as you did ten years ago, but you still love the same genre. Maybe you don’t follow bands around like you did in college, but you still enjoy live music. Unless you’re completely changing your personality with your hobbies, it might still be worth searching for those specifics. Some “interests,” like politics or religion, are actually more indicative of an entire world view - more than just a singular hobby.
But the real issue is that regardless of how your passions endure, the key is finding someone with whom you can grow and evolve. Many in long-term relationships find new hobbies over the years - and many of those new hobbies are separate, branching off into new territories, making new friends. Those relationships don’t necessarily collapse, because it’s the people who are compatible, not the interests.
So what can you do in the short term? Don’t stress if you don’t share every detail, or if you’re not pulling up any matches with an incredibly specific search term. Try to read the profile with the person in mind instead of a list of matched items. And don’t confuse shared interests with compatibility; after all, haven’t you met a fellow fan who drove you nuts?
Common interests are a great place to start, and immediately make you feel like you’re on the “same team,” but the true test of compatibility comes when you meet in person. Don’t be afraid to meet someone outside of your typical box - because maybe that box isn’t as important as you thought.
As with everything else, it probably depends on individuals involved. For example, not many adults are still super-fans of the teen idols they crushed over in high school; similarly, many hobbies and passions come and go. If someone who’s particularly fair-weather when it comes to their interests based their dating searches only on the flavor of the moment, chances are they’d eventually want to move on.
However, sometimes interests and hobbies can reveal a general personality type, even as the specifics come and go. Maybe you don’t still have the same favorite TV show as you did ten years ago, but you still love the same genre. Maybe you don’t follow bands around like you did in college, but you still enjoy live music. Unless you’re completely changing your personality with your hobbies, it might still be worth searching for those specifics. Some “interests,” like politics or religion, are actually more indicative of an entire world view - more than just a singular hobby.
But the real issue is that regardless of how your passions endure, the key is finding someone with whom you can grow and evolve. Many in long-term relationships find new hobbies over the years - and many of those new hobbies are separate, branching off into new territories, making new friends. Those relationships don’t necessarily collapse, because it’s the people who are compatible, not the interests.
So what can you do in the short term? Don’t stress if you don’t share every detail, or if you’re not pulling up any matches with an incredibly specific search term. Try to read the profile with the person in mind instead of a list of matched items. And don’t confuse shared interests with compatibility; after all, haven’t you met a fellow fan who drove you nuts?
Common interests are a great place to start, and immediately make you feel like you’re on the “same team,” but the true test of compatibility comes when you meet in person. Don’t be afraid to meet someone outside of your typical box - because maybe that box isn’t as important as you thought.
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