Hostility: Is It Hiding?
- Wednesday, January 16 2013 @ 10:03 am
- Contributed by: Jet
- Views: 1,001
It’s probably no surprise that when it comes to improving any experience - be it dating, a job, bad traffic - the easiest and first place to start is with yourself. It’s a bit of mind over matter; if you think something is going to be terrible, it almost certainly will be, and if you try to make a situation fun, it just might help. Now, nobody wants to head out on a date expecting a bad time - in fact, most would say they’re hoping for the best - but they could be sabotaging themselves with something lurking underneath: hostility.
Hostility isn’t really as uncommon as one might think in the dating world. Some might call it bitterness, but it doesn’t have to be - it could just as easily be due to fear or something else. Think about it: if you’re in the dating world, your previous relationship had to end. Chances are, it didn’t end well. Now you’re asking yourself to open your heart again.
To make matters worse, there are probably all sorts of Negative Nellies filling your mind with horrible scenarios that rarely actually happen, but which they saw on a procedural crime drama last week. Not to mention the less nightmare-inducing, but still painful, little generalizations you always see in popular culture, like “All men are dogs” and “Nice guys always finish last.” A little wariness seems like a pretty natural response!
But even though it may be fully justified, having underlying hostility or aggression can really put the damper on any sparks that may otherwise fly. How can you really analyze if you’re feeling any chemistry when you’re more focused on whether your date looks like they might have murderous eyes? It’s good to scan for red flags, but at some point you have to put that detector on autopilot and focus on actually getting to know your date - and letting your date get to know you.
So as you head out on your first date, it might be helpful to ask yourself what you’re really feeling. If it’s fear, you can put some of those to rest with simple precautionary measures - a friend stationed nearby, for example. If it’s anger, it’s time to focus on what you’re looking for in a relationship - not what you’re looking to avoid. By addressing hostility now, you can minimize the chances it’ll pop up on your date - and you can let the chemistry take center stage.
Hostility isn’t really as uncommon as one might think in the dating world. Some might call it bitterness, but it doesn’t have to be - it could just as easily be due to fear or something else. Think about it: if you’re in the dating world, your previous relationship had to end. Chances are, it didn’t end well. Now you’re asking yourself to open your heart again.
To make matters worse, there are probably all sorts of Negative Nellies filling your mind with horrible scenarios that rarely actually happen, but which they saw on a procedural crime drama last week. Not to mention the less nightmare-inducing, but still painful, little generalizations you always see in popular culture, like “All men are dogs” and “Nice guys always finish last.” A little wariness seems like a pretty natural response!
But even though it may be fully justified, having underlying hostility or aggression can really put the damper on any sparks that may otherwise fly. How can you really analyze if you’re feeling any chemistry when you’re more focused on whether your date looks like they might have murderous eyes? It’s good to scan for red flags, but at some point you have to put that detector on autopilot and focus on actually getting to know your date - and letting your date get to know you.
So as you head out on your first date, it might be helpful to ask yourself what you’re really feeling. If it’s fear, you can put some of those to rest with simple precautionary measures - a friend stationed nearby, for example. If it’s anger, it’s time to focus on what you’re looking for in a relationship - not what you’re looking to avoid. By addressing hostility now, you can minimize the chances it’ll pop up on your date - and you can let the chemistry take center stage.
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