Hindered by a Bad Attitude
- Tuesday, December 11 2012 @ 10:32 am
- Contributed by: Jet
- Views: 1,002
So much of how we perceive life is attitude. If we approach a situation with confidence and patience, we’re often more successful. If we come in digging in our heels or sure we’re doomed to failure, it can become a self-fulfilling prophecy. Thus, it probably shouldn’t come as a surprise that online dating is no different.
“Come on now,” you might be saying. “Dating is different in that it takes two to tango. I can’t make myself land dates through sheer force of will, can I?”
Well, perhaps not. But one thing you absolutely can do on your own is self-sabotage. Maybe you can’t conjure a date out of thin air, but you can certainly squander perfectly good opportunities and watch them go up in smoke.
Bad attitudes can come in various forms in the world of online dating, and some of them are less obvious than others. One that’s quite prevalent is the skeptic approach. Imagine a person who goes to a magician’s show and stands, arms folded, waiting to point out the stray wire or cleverly placed mirror. No one else in the audience really thinks the magician is some sort of wizard; they’re willing to suspend disbelief, and enjoy the experience.
These same sour audience members pop up on online dating sites. They’re waiting to see real magic, a perfect match ready and waiting, and if they don’t, they’ll complain about it to everyone they know. Instead, they could be putting in actual effort themselves; by sitting back with their arms folded, they’re getting less out of it than everyone else.
Another is the scaredy-cat. This person has bought into the stereotype that the online dating world is a seedy, scary underground. Rather than simply employ the same good judgment and safety measures they do anywhere else in life, these people view every date as a potential serial killer. They’re so obsessed with scanning for red flags that at the end of the night, they realize they’ve barely heard a word their date was saying. Because they’re incapable of relaxing, they’re wasting everyone’s time.
Another kind of bad attitude could happen to any of us, no matter what our experience with online dating: the unlucky one. Maybe they’ve just gotten out of a bad relationship, or maybe they’ve had a dry spell in online dating. They feel like nothing has gone right for them in the love department in recent memory, so why should this be any different? Instead of being excited about a date or an email, they’re waiting for the other shoe to drop.
So as you sit down to answer emails or even look at profiles, ask yourself: are you in the right mindset to do this right now? If you’re expecting failure, you might overlook someone who might otherwise be a good fit, or answer that email less enthusiastically than usual. Sometimes it’s better to just take a break and come back when your outlook is more refreshed. You might not be able to magically find love with a good attitude - but you certainly have a better shot of seeing the possibilities when you take off your gloom-colored glasses.
“Come on now,” you might be saying. “Dating is different in that it takes two to tango. I can’t make myself land dates through sheer force of will, can I?”
Well, perhaps not. But one thing you absolutely can do on your own is self-sabotage. Maybe you can’t conjure a date out of thin air, but you can certainly squander perfectly good opportunities and watch them go up in smoke.
Bad attitudes can come in various forms in the world of online dating, and some of them are less obvious than others. One that’s quite prevalent is the skeptic approach. Imagine a person who goes to a magician’s show and stands, arms folded, waiting to point out the stray wire or cleverly placed mirror. No one else in the audience really thinks the magician is some sort of wizard; they’re willing to suspend disbelief, and enjoy the experience.
These same sour audience members pop up on online dating sites. They’re waiting to see real magic, a perfect match ready and waiting, and if they don’t, they’ll complain about it to everyone they know. Instead, they could be putting in actual effort themselves; by sitting back with their arms folded, they’re getting less out of it than everyone else.
Another is the scaredy-cat. This person has bought into the stereotype that the online dating world is a seedy, scary underground. Rather than simply employ the same good judgment and safety measures they do anywhere else in life, these people view every date as a potential serial killer. They’re so obsessed with scanning for red flags that at the end of the night, they realize they’ve barely heard a word their date was saying. Because they’re incapable of relaxing, they’re wasting everyone’s time.
Another kind of bad attitude could happen to any of us, no matter what our experience with online dating: the unlucky one. Maybe they’ve just gotten out of a bad relationship, or maybe they’ve had a dry spell in online dating. They feel like nothing has gone right for them in the love department in recent memory, so why should this be any different? Instead of being excited about a date or an email, they’re waiting for the other shoe to drop.
So as you sit down to answer emails or even look at profiles, ask yourself: are you in the right mindset to do this right now? If you’re expecting failure, you might overlook someone who might otherwise be a good fit, or answer that email less enthusiastically than usual. Sometimes it’s better to just take a break and come back when your outlook is more refreshed. You might not be able to magically find love with a good attitude - but you certainly have a better shot of seeing the possibilities when you take off your gloom-colored glasses.
Subscribe
