Focusing on the Positive

Advice
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Chances are, if you’ve read any tips about online dating, you’ve something about being positive. Over time, the word starts to lose meaning. Is it just a buzzword? Is the idea that “positive is attracted to positive” just some New Age concept? After all, it doesn’t work with magnets.

But the truth is, even if it sounds a little funny or like some affirmation, staying positive is a great state to be in if you’re planning on forging relationships. It can even make you more attractive to others. Here are a few concrete ways to put this concept in action:

First, try to bond over something you both love, not something you both hate. Yes, it might be funny to make fun of that pop music star together, but being cynical and judgmental all the time becomes tiring - both for you and others. And if a relationship is founded on being just that, you’d better find something else in common before the foundation collapses. Much easier to focus on the things you like together from the very beginning.

Furthermore, emotions really can seem contagious - people naturally want to be around someone who lifts them up instead of someone who drags them down. While, yes, everyone has good and bad days, and every relationship takes turns being the cheerleader, even keeping a vague goal of positivity in your mind can remind you to try to see the glass half full.

To lift yourself up, try making a conscious effort to surround yourself with the people, actions and things that make you happy. This is why you might hear a suggestion to join a club or volunteer doing something you love - not just because other people are there, but because if you’re doing something you love, you’re possibly feeling your best. Then you might meet someone else who’s also at their best, and also shares a common interest. Even if you don’t meet a potential love interest, though, you’ve spent time having fun, being social and maybe even enriching yourself. Meeting a date is just a great bonus!

A funny thing can happen when you’re actively working on being more positive and recognizing the things in life that make you happy: you might actually become more positive and happy. This can potentially start a chain reaction - your confidence might rise naturally, which in turn makes you more attractive. You might gain clarity in the type of person you’d like to be with, which focuses your search abilities and makes it easier to let go of people who aren’t really compatible.

Focusing on positivity isn’t some New Age magic, and it’s not guaranteed that it will be life-changing. However, with pretty much zero bad side effects, why not give it a shot and see if it helps?