Eye of the Beholder

We've all had it happen to us:

You're out in public somewhere and you see an attractive person – someone who seems compelling, someone that catches your eye. In a split second, a part of your brain says, Ah, yes. This one has potential.

Before you even have time to think much about it, you point out the attractive person to your companion, be it sister, friend, roommate – and they wrinkle their nose and say, “Really?”

And just as quickly, you feel self-conscious, or you feel a tiny bit embarrassed by your apparently questionable taste. You shrug, and move on. An opportunity wasted.

Your tastes will be different from those of your friends and family, and you're bound to be attracted to different types of people. That's a good thing; life would be a lot more complicated if you were constantly competing for dates with those you love.

Still, too often we seek opinion and validation from those around us, and it can negatively influence our dating experience. I'm not talking about major life decisions, bringing someone into the family; I'm talking about something as simple as whether to call, email or even approach someone. Maybe a previous relationship didn't work out, and confidence has taken a major blow. It's important to remember, however, that regardless of anyone's opinion, ultimately you are the only one actually entering the relationship.

I have friends and family who are married to wonderful people – people I would never in a million years be attracted to. My friends and family might have great wisdom in the areas of forming trust, building a lasting relationship, and recognizing negative traits before it's too late – but when it comes to physical attraction, they are completely useless.

One of the benefits of online dating is that you can peruse profiles alone, sending emails to whomever you please, free of judgment. You, and you alone, can determine if there's chemistry before you introduce even the idea of a relationship to friends and family. But why should the Internet be the lone venue in which you take charge of your dating experience? Dating is not a group project; if you see someone that appeals to you, quell that urge to “run them by” your companions. Only you can determine what you find attractive.