Effective Dating Conversation 101: Part Two

It's said that "A picture is worth a thousand words," and while that may be true, it doesn't mean that you can forget about words altogether. Take a cue from the poets and playwrights who have captivated audiences for hundreds and hundreds of years - the word is a very powerful tool for capturing someone's mind and heart.

In "Effective Dating Conversation 101," I stressed the importance of asking questions on a date. But a conversation composed entirely of questions would be immensely tedious, so in this lesson it's time for us to discuss what to say (and what not to say) during the rest of the conversation. Let's start with one of the most important things you'll ever learn:

• Bring humor and a positive attitude with you wherever you go. This advice should be followed in all aspects of your life, at all times. A person who focuses on life's transient negatives is not a person that others want to be around. On the other hand, a person who brings energy, laughter, and light into others' lives is someone who will always be surrounded friends, family, and lovers. You will be a truly indispensable part of someone's life if you can ensure that they are happier with you than they are without you.

• Do not brag about what makes you a great partner. Confidence is incredibly sexy, but arrogance is not. It's as simple as that.

• Don't bring up former relationships. If you constantly talk about how wonderful an old relationship was, your date will become insecure and worry that he or she will never be able to live up to the precedent that has been set. If, alternatively, you talk incessantly about how bad a previous relationship was, your date will get the impression that you are a generally negative and jaded person who dwells on the past instead of looking forward to the future.

• Don't make critical or spiteful comments about others. Speaking negatively about other people highlights your lack of self-confidence, and your dates will judge you based on how you treat everyone around you, not just on how you treat your romantic partners.

• Have meaningful, intriguing conversations by:

a) Being honest always.

b) Continuously maintaining a high level of energy, humor, and flirtatious tension in the conversation.

c) Making your conversation partner feel that they are unique and important to you.

d) Ending the exchange before you've run out of things to say and your interest in each other has waned.

And finally, the most surprising rule of all:

• Don't fear silence. Silence is nothing to be afraid of, even if it feels awkward. Speaking too much can leave a bad impression, as rapid speech usually indicates that you are uncomfortable and insecure. Instead of feeling pressure to keep the conversation going, embrace silence as an opportunity to think about what you would like to say next, and revel in the fact that silence very well might mean that your date is too lost in thought about you to focus on the conversation!