Double-Checking Your Signal Strength
- Monday, April 23 2012 @ 09:27 am
- Contributed by: Jet
- Views: 1,450
We’ve all experienced it before, whether we’re out at a bar or reading our emails on an online dating site: “I just don’t seem to be attracting the type of people I’m interested in.” To a certain extent, you can’t control who you’re attracted to or who finds you attractive. However, if you’ve fallen into an obvious pattern, perhaps it might be worth examining the messages you’re sending out into the dating pool. You can’t control attraction, but you can control how you present yourself. Here are a few common issues:
Mike is looking for a serious, committed relationship. The people he’s interested in seem interested only in hooking up, even though he clearly checked the box on his profile that says he’s only interested in something long-term. Then he takes a second look at his profile. Though his self-summary is innocent enough, his pictures are mostly of the shirtless variety, and he makes a few double entendres as well. His conclusion: though he’ll probably get a certain amount of hookup spam no matter what he does, his pictures might be speaking louder than his words. He’ll save the entendres for emails when he starts getting comfortable with his match.
Kate likes guys who are the athletic type, but her emails come mostly from guys who do the heavy lifting with their brains. And when she emails the athletic boys on her own, they don’t seem interested. Looking at her profile reveals why: she doesn’t mention that she runs every morning or that she fills out a bracket for March Madness every year. She does emphasize her intellectual pursuits, though. If Kate wants someone who loves to run through an open field, she’s not going to snag them with the promise of a library date. Her profile can reflect her well-rounded interests, but it doesn’t hurt to emphasize what you hope to find in common with your match.
Pete is looking to settle down, but all the women he attracts are what he’d call “party girls.” Once again, his actions speak louder than words: his pictures are all artifacts from a wilder time, and he tends to slip into “life of the party” mode more out of habit than preference. He’s always had success attracting certain types of people, and he’s not really sure how to attract anyone else. He wants to change, but he hasn’t yet learned how to, or who this non-partying Pete really is. His new goal: spend some time alone, figuring out what he really enjoys, so he can learn who he’s really looking for.
If you’re unhappy with the sort of people who seem to be attracted to you, there’s no need to sit passive and go on dates you don’t want. Sometimes it’s as simple as emailing the people in whom you’re interested; sometimes you need to evaluate the image you’re projecting on your profile. You can’t control chemistry, but you can give it a nudge in the direction you’d like.
Mike is looking for a serious, committed relationship. The people he’s interested in seem interested only in hooking up, even though he clearly checked the box on his profile that says he’s only interested in something long-term. Then he takes a second look at his profile. Though his self-summary is innocent enough, his pictures are mostly of the shirtless variety, and he makes a few double entendres as well. His conclusion: though he’ll probably get a certain amount of hookup spam no matter what he does, his pictures might be speaking louder than his words. He’ll save the entendres for emails when he starts getting comfortable with his match.
Kate likes guys who are the athletic type, but her emails come mostly from guys who do the heavy lifting with their brains. And when she emails the athletic boys on her own, they don’t seem interested. Looking at her profile reveals why: she doesn’t mention that she runs every morning or that she fills out a bracket for March Madness every year. She does emphasize her intellectual pursuits, though. If Kate wants someone who loves to run through an open field, she’s not going to snag them with the promise of a library date. Her profile can reflect her well-rounded interests, but it doesn’t hurt to emphasize what you hope to find in common with your match.
Pete is looking to settle down, but all the women he attracts are what he’d call “party girls.” Once again, his actions speak louder than words: his pictures are all artifacts from a wilder time, and he tends to slip into “life of the party” mode more out of habit than preference. He’s always had success attracting certain types of people, and he’s not really sure how to attract anyone else. He wants to change, but he hasn’t yet learned how to, or who this non-partying Pete really is. His new goal: spend some time alone, figuring out what he really enjoys, so he can learn who he’s really looking for.
If you’re unhappy with the sort of people who seem to be attracted to you, there’s no need to sit passive and go on dates you don’t want. Sometimes it’s as simple as emailing the people in whom you’re interested; sometimes you need to evaluate the image you’re projecting on your profile. You can’t control chemistry, but you can give it a nudge in the direction you’d like.
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