Don't Apologize for Yourself
- Sunday, November 11 2012 @ 08:48 am
- Contributed by: Jet
- Views: 912
If you keep one tip in mind as you head out to your dates, consider making it this one: don’t apologize for yourself.
“Hmm,” you might be thinking. “I don’t apologize for myself! Tip mastered!” But it can be far more insidious than you realize. Particularly when we first get back into the dating scene, it’s natural for many of us to apologize for, well, just about anything: Our job, if we’ve been unemployed or we think it’s not successful enough; our appearance, always a popular one; even our interests and hobbies if they’re a bit uncommon.
Sometimes we verbalize our apologies - either explicitly, or by making self-deprecating comments and jokes. Other times we may not say anything about it at all, but we’re thinking it the entire time: “I’m sorry, I’m not slimmer, more exciting, more attractive.” It might not be spoken, but every action and word reflects it.
The problem is, if you’re uncomfortable with yourself, others will become uncomfortable too. They might not consciously realize what’s going on, but they might feel ill-at-ease. If the apologies are verbal and constant, even if they’re “jokes,” they can wear on a person even more.
So, tell yourself: you don’t need to apologize for who you are. In fact, when you’re confident about yourself, the same effect happens in reverse: others want to get to know you better and feel lighter in your presence. Who would you rather date: someone who likes model airplanes, but turns red and mumbles about it when it’s brought up, or someone who gives a big grin and states why they like it in a matter-of-fact way?
The same principle applies even if it’s something you’re not necessarily proud of, like the neighborhood you live in, for example. The fact is that when you find someone compatible, they’re going to like you for who you are - but first, you have to feel the same about yourself. Having that self-confidence is really the first step.
Thus, when you’re sending emails and going on dates, even writing your profile, remember: you don’t have to apologize for yourself. It might be more difficult than it seems, but that simple statement can be the first step to the self-confidence you seek.
“Hmm,” you might be thinking. “I don’t apologize for myself! Tip mastered!” But it can be far more insidious than you realize. Particularly when we first get back into the dating scene, it’s natural for many of us to apologize for, well, just about anything: Our job, if we’ve been unemployed or we think it’s not successful enough; our appearance, always a popular one; even our interests and hobbies if they’re a bit uncommon.
Sometimes we verbalize our apologies - either explicitly, or by making self-deprecating comments and jokes. Other times we may not say anything about it at all, but we’re thinking it the entire time: “I’m sorry, I’m not slimmer, more exciting, more attractive.” It might not be spoken, but every action and word reflects it.
The problem is, if you’re uncomfortable with yourself, others will become uncomfortable too. They might not consciously realize what’s going on, but they might feel ill-at-ease. If the apologies are verbal and constant, even if they’re “jokes,” they can wear on a person even more.
So, tell yourself: you don’t need to apologize for who you are. In fact, when you’re confident about yourself, the same effect happens in reverse: others want to get to know you better and feel lighter in your presence. Who would you rather date: someone who likes model airplanes, but turns red and mumbles about it when it’s brought up, or someone who gives a big grin and states why they like it in a matter-of-fact way?
The same principle applies even if it’s something you’re not necessarily proud of, like the neighborhood you live in, for example. The fact is that when you find someone compatible, they’re going to like you for who you are - but first, you have to feel the same about yourself. Having that self-confidence is really the first step.
Thus, when you’re sending emails and going on dates, even writing your profile, remember: you don’t have to apologize for yourself. It might be more difficult than it seems, but that simple statement can be the first step to the self-confidence you seek.
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