Do You have a Dating Persona?

Dating can be stressful and can make us question our confidence. And when you're searching through online profiles or checking your inbox for matches, you can go crazy wondering why someone didn't write you back or why suddenly you've stopped getting messages.

Some of my friends used to adopt "dating personas" to deal with the emotional roller coaster of dating. Instead of letting themselves get hurt, they preferred to date and dump quickly, assuming an "I don't care" position. They never let someone get close enough to see who they really were. After all, they were independent, many successful at their careers. They assumed that their love lives would follow suit if they approached things with the same efficiency they'd use in sales meetings.

As a friend, I knew them well enough to see through their acts. They weren't letting anyone in. Instead, they were trying to be who they assumed others would find attractive - someone confident who didn't need a relationship. So who did they end up attracting? Unavailable men or women; ones who weren't interested in a relationship either. Maybe they were both fooling themselves.

If you find yourself acting differently on dates than you would in your "real life" with co-workers or friends, take a step back. Ask yourself what you really want, and if you're willing to let yourself be vulnerable. Ask yourself if you're afraid to let your personality show through to your dates. Are you a little goofy, or insecure, or nerdy? Do you think a date wouldn't understand your love of video games, or that you make a living as a gardener instead of a flashy career like investment banking? Do you think these traits make you seem less attractive than other people?

On the contrary, your uniqueness is what attracts people to you. There are plenty of people who fit generic descriptions of an "ideal partner" in terms of career, looks, and even personality traits. But that doesn't mean when two people meet they will click. That all depends on how willing you are to put yourself out there. How willing you are to be yourself, perceived shortcomings and all. This is the only way for two people to really connect.

Not everyone is going to be right for you and you might get your heart broken again, but continuing with a dating persona guarantees that you won't meet someone who loves you for the person you are. And isn't that the relationship we all want - someone who accepts us as we are, faults and all?