Do We Rely too Much on Online Profiles?

If you're online dating, you can search through a seemingly endless number of profiles looking for something that catches your eye. But if someone posts a questionable picture or says something in her profile that doesn't click with what you want, are you really approaching online dating with an open mind? Or are you too reliant on what those profiles say, and more importantly, what you think you want?

Sometimes we leave little room for chemistry in our dating lives, which is why it becomes harder and harder to find a connection the more we date. According to a recent study commissioned by the Association for Psychological Science and appearing in the February issue of the Journal Psychological Science in the Public Interest, online dating provides a lot of access to meeting new people, but most daters may not be aware of what will make them click with someone else.

The study also states that the sheer abundance of online daters means they tend to be more picky and more judgmental - thinking there's a "better" profile than whatever they happen to be viewing at the moment. The ease with which online daters can sift through profiles, chasing after the better photo or better career success leads to singles "objectifying" potential partners according to the study. And even worse: when daters meet face-to-face, their biases from judging others' profiles can lead to awkward interactions - even more than had they just met on the street.

"Online dating creates a shopping mentality, and that is probably not a particularly good way to go about choosing a mate," says Harry Reis, Ph.D., one of the review's authors and a professor of psychology at the University of Rochester Medical Center, in New York.

The researchers also caution against too much email and online communication before actually meeting. When there is a lot of virtual communication, there can be a lot of build-up and expectation, which can lead to disappointment if there ends up being no connection. It's better to agree to meet sooner rather than later, without too much build-up. It's a more organic process when you're looking for intangibles like chemistry and attraction.

The bottom line? Don't spend so many hours poring over profiles and comparing people. Instead, invite them to meet face-to-face. See if you can laugh and have a good time together. See if there's enough of a spark to meet again, and again. See how you feel around the person, rather than what you think you're looking for in a partner.