Can I Do Better than my Girlfriend / Boyfriend?

There is a truth to dating that isn't discussed much. When two people come together in a serious relationship, one or both of them at some point may wonder: is this the best person out there for me? Or can I do better?

While this "grass is greener" syndrome seems like a smart question to ask before you take the next step - like moving in together or getting married - you must also ask yourself what your motivations are. After all, you chose to go out with this person in the first place, and to become exclusive. You were initially attracted to her, even if you don't feel weak in the knees anymore when you see her. The relationship seems to have changed. You wonder if this is the natural course of things, or if you are making a huge mistake in staying together. But what if you decide to break up only to discover that you really wanted to be with this person after all?

Love isn't an easy process after the romance fades, but it's important to understand that relationships have cycles of ups and downs - you can't be perpetually on a romantic high. At the same time, if you find yourself dreading spending time together, you have some issues to address with each other.

So should you stay together? First, it's important to have some clarity. Are you getting cold feet with the idea of committing to someone? Do you wonder who else is out there? Are you reluctant to take down your Match.com profile just in case there is someone better around the corner?

My feeling is this: if you're looking for someone else who might be "better" for you, you're missing the point. It's important to take stock of your relationship before you start fantasizing about someone who may not even exist. Ask yourself:

• Do I enjoy spending time with this person?
• Do I feel affection for this person?
• Do we communicate well?
• Am I physically attracted to this person (even if I'm no longer weak in the knees)?
• Does s/he treat me with respect, kindness, and affection?

If you have reservations based on the answers above, it's time to take stock of what you want and who you're with. But if your concerns are more focused on waning feelings of attraction, or that you've become a "boring" couple, or that you find your partner too predictable and you're craving more drama or stimulus, proceed with caution.

Relationships change over time, so keep some perspective about your expectations. Whether you decide to stay or go, the decision has consequences, so be sure to think it through.