Dating After a Bad Relationship
- Tuesday, July 17 2012 @ 09:39 am
- Contributed by: Jet
- Views: 1,475
Not everything in dating - or, indeed, in our lives - always goes smoothly. Many of us have had a relationship that’s shaken our confidence: in our judgment, in our self-worth, in the future. If we’ve made such a mistake once (or twice, or even more than that), who’s to say we won’t make one again?
It’s natural to feel hesitant, even a little fearful. In fact, it’s probably a good sign; if you strode out into the dating world undaunted after a traumatic relationship without even questioning what you could change next time, you’d probably be all the more likely to repeat mistakes. It’s good to reflect, to have your eyes open a little wider. What’s not good, however, is living so much in fear and regret about what you’ve done in the past that you refuse to move forward. Here are a few healthier ways to get back on the horse of romance.
First, analyze your last relationship. Remember, you’re just analyzing; you’re not beating yourself up. Try to think about it objectively. Take a piece of paper and write down your thoughts. Is there any way you could have predicted the bad outcome? Remember that some people - predatory people - deliberately change or conceal their personality, and there’s really very few warning signs, so don’t feel bad if you can’t think of a way things could have gone differently.
But maybe you didn’t date someone who set out to hurt you; maybe things just ended poorly. In that case, you might determine if there’s something different you should be looking for, a trait that’s more compatible. Even in bad relationships, you can usually learn something from them, even if it’s about yourself and what you really want.
After you’ve analyzed the past, the key is to put it behind you. That’s why it’s helpful to write it down; it’s a tangible reminder that you’ve been through this process already, so you don’t have to go over it again and again in your head.
The final step is to start looking toward the future with anticipation. Try a new list: positive reminders of what you’re looking for in the future. The trick is to keep it positive: instead of saying you don’t want “a lying jerk,” maybe you’re looking for “honest communication.” And once you have your positive list, you can draw from it when you’re writing or revising your online dating profile.
Looking to jump back in the dating pool can definitely be daunting when your last relationship ended badly, but remember this: almost everyone has a similar story, something or someone they regret. And that includes people who are now in stable, happy, healthy relationships. Don’t let one bad apple affect the future of your dating health; instead, feel confident that you’ll more readily identify rotten fruit in the future.
It’s natural to feel hesitant, even a little fearful. In fact, it’s probably a good sign; if you strode out into the dating world undaunted after a traumatic relationship without even questioning what you could change next time, you’d probably be all the more likely to repeat mistakes. It’s good to reflect, to have your eyes open a little wider. What’s not good, however, is living so much in fear and regret about what you’ve done in the past that you refuse to move forward. Here are a few healthier ways to get back on the horse of romance.
First, analyze your last relationship. Remember, you’re just analyzing; you’re not beating yourself up. Try to think about it objectively. Take a piece of paper and write down your thoughts. Is there any way you could have predicted the bad outcome? Remember that some people - predatory people - deliberately change or conceal their personality, and there’s really very few warning signs, so don’t feel bad if you can’t think of a way things could have gone differently.
But maybe you didn’t date someone who set out to hurt you; maybe things just ended poorly. In that case, you might determine if there’s something different you should be looking for, a trait that’s more compatible. Even in bad relationships, you can usually learn something from them, even if it’s about yourself and what you really want.
After you’ve analyzed the past, the key is to put it behind you. That’s why it’s helpful to write it down; it’s a tangible reminder that you’ve been through this process already, so you don’t have to go over it again and again in your head.
The final step is to start looking toward the future with anticipation. Try a new list: positive reminders of what you’re looking for in the future. The trick is to keep it positive: instead of saying you don’t want “a lying jerk,” maybe you’re looking for “honest communication.” And once you have your positive list, you can draw from it when you’re writing or revising your online dating profile.
Looking to jump back in the dating pool can definitely be daunting when your last relationship ended badly, but remember this: almost everyone has a similar story, something or someone they regret. And that includes people who are now in stable, happy, healthy relationships. Don’t let one bad apple affect the future of your dating health; instead, feel confident that you’ll more readily identify rotten fruit in the future.
Subscribe
