Counting Chickens: a Profile is Not a Person
- Sunday, May 27 2012 @ 08:36 am
- Contributed by: Jet
- Views: 1,053
In online dating, there is one trap we must be aware of so that we can avoid it: a profile is not a person.
Seems obvious, right? Of course a profile is not a person. But, even as we create our own profile, we’re sending ourselves conflicting signals. For example, our own profile is not a person, but it’s representative of one, right? We want our profile to accurately represent us, and we spend a lot of time working on it.
A profile is not a person, but the matchmaking algorithms on dating sites essentially treat it as so; they’re matching profiles, not people. They’re telling you that the person, represented by the profile, would be a great match for you (as represented by your profile). Ow, my head is beginning to hurt.
So a profile is not really a person, merely a stand-in for one, but for all intents and purposes they’re one and the same, right? Why is it important to think otherwise?
Because it’s easy to get infatuated with a profile, even easier than becoming infatuated with a person. Think about people you see every day, or even celebrities. Chances are, you can think of plenty of people you find physically attractive, or intellectually interesting. You aren’t infatuated with them, though, because there’s plenty of other input that balances it out - maybe the attractive person is vapid and self-absorbed, or the intellectually intriguing person is simply not your type. They might be appealing on paper, but they require something extra before you’re really interested (and that’s not even getting into issues of chemistry and mutual attraction).
With a profile, however, you don’t have any of that extra information; you only have what’s on the screen in front of you. So your brain fills it in, usually with something appealing.
The result? You’re nervous before you even send your first email, and you’re devastated when the reply isn’t what you want to hear. You’ve spent weeks’ worth of energy over something that you wouldn’t even have felt if you’d spent two minutes with them in person.
So when you’re perusing profiles, remember to keep your eye on the ball. You’re not looking to find the most attractive or interesting person on paper; you’re looking to find someone who seems like they’d be a good match, and then meet them in person to find out for sure. You’re looking to fall in love - but with a compatible person, not a profile.
Seems obvious, right? Of course a profile is not a person. But, even as we create our own profile, we’re sending ourselves conflicting signals. For example, our own profile is not a person, but it’s representative of one, right? We want our profile to accurately represent us, and we spend a lot of time working on it.
A profile is not a person, but the matchmaking algorithms on dating sites essentially treat it as so; they’re matching profiles, not people. They’re telling you that the person, represented by the profile, would be a great match for you (as represented by your profile). Ow, my head is beginning to hurt.
So a profile is not really a person, merely a stand-in for one, but for all intents and purposes they’re one and the same, right? Why is it important to think otherwise?
Because it’s easy to get infatuated with a profile, even easier than becoming infatuated with a person. Think about people you see every day, or even celebrities. Chances are, you can think of plenty of people you find physically attractive, or intellectually interesting. You aren’t infatuated with them, though, because there’s plenty of other input that balances it out - maybe the attractive person is vapid and self-absorbed, or the intellectually intriguing person is simply not your type. They might be appealing on paper, but they require something extra before you’re really interested (and that’s not even getting into issues of chemistry and mutual attraction).
With a profile, however, you don’t have any of that extra information; you only have what’s on the screen in front of you. So your brain fills it in, usually with something appealing.
The result? You’re nervous before you even send your first email, and you’re devastated when the reply isn’t what you want to hear. You’ve spent weeks’ worth of energy over something that you wouldn’t even have felt if you’d spent two minutes with them in person.
So when you’re perusing profiles, remember to keep your eye on the ball. You’re not looking to find the most attractive or interesting person on paper; you’re looking to find someone who seems like they’d be a good match, and then meet them in person to find out for sure. You’re looking to fall in love - but with a compatible person, not a profile.
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