Are You a Control Freak About Your Romantic Life?

I read an article recently about Kanye West and Kim Kardashian, (who have been dating now for several months), stating that he's getting a little weary of her controlling nature. But then, he's a bit controlling, too. How do two controlling personalities get along in love?

I don't know if this is the case with Kanye and Kim, but it raises an interesting question. Many singles - both men and women - like to take control not only of their careers and social lives, but of their romantic lives. Being assertive is helpful for achieving ambitious goals no doubt, but is it necessary for a happy relationship, or is it better to let things take their own course?

I know many men and women who approach their love lives with the same tenacity they have for their careers. They have goals, and they want certain things - despite what their boyfriends or girlfriends are able to and capable of giving them.

For instance, let's take the example of a successful career woman. She makes a lot of money, and she works long hours. She might expect her boyfriend to be available when she wants to be with him, but doesn't reciprocate and make time for him. Or maybe she doesn't like the fact that he's not as successful and pushes him to be more ambitious or to make more money.

Or there is another type of controlling behavior that can take place in a relationship. If one person isn't willing to compromise, to meet the other halfway in arguments, lifestyle, or decisions, it will be very tough to move the relationship forward. For instance, if a man is dating a woman and expects her to change the way she dresses, or demands that she take an interest in all the things that matter to him, or allow his needs and schedule to take priority over hers, they are headed for trouble.

Relationships aren't power exchanges. In order for two people to happily co-exist in a romantic relationship, there must be allowances for both people's needs. If one or both try to control how the relationship evolves or how the other behaves, it doesn't leave much room for compromise, tenderness, or understanding.

If you tend to take control in relationships, ask yourself what you fear will happen if you let go, if you let the relationship take its own course. Are you afraid you'll be vulnerable or hurt? Are you afraid your girlfriend or boyfriend might not respect or love you? Or that they might leave you? These are important questions, and understanding what drives you will help you better overcome these types of relationship hurdles.

The goal of any healthy relationship includes two partners who feel heard, understood, and loved. It's important to grow with each other, rather than to control each other and the outcome.